Want to hear a joke? Me neither.

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What did Michelle Obama get for Christmas? Cancer

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A man in a wheelchair walked into a bar. No he didn't.

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Why did the boy wear glasses? Because he had bad eyesight.

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Knock knock Who's there? Nobody Oh, ok

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why do women wear perfume and make-up? 'cause they're ugly and smell bad

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A man had two kids who he loved very much but would always come home in a bad mood. On a Friday after returning home, he tells his wife, "I hate my life," then proceeds to take his anger out on her. If you were expecting for this to be a joke, then you clearly have some messed up humor. Abuse in the household isn't to be taken lightly.

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A mushroom walked into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom said, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender said, "Exactly. It's a health hazard. I already have two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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I found a lump on my right testicle. So, as a precaution I went to my local hospital to have myself checked out. Thankfully, it wasn't accute testicular cancer. Instead I only had to suffer for a few months, but it's getting better now. Sadly, I won't be able to have children and now my semen has a somewhat unsavoury flavour. Thanks for asking.

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whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red corvette? i don't have a red corvette in my garage

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she is a fictional character.

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Why did Jerry Sandusky appeal his conviction? Because the judge wrongly considered inadmissible evidence.

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why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't he got ran over half way.

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Why do cats burp quietly, because they aren't men

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Who took the last can of soda? I dunno.

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This guy gets on a plane and leaves he takes a bite of a green Apple and says to sower then he takes a bite out of a red Apple and says to sweet so he takes a bite of a gernade and says to crunchy so the plane lands and he walks past a little boy crying and says little boy why are you crying because a green Apple came down and hit my dog in the head so he's walking along and sees a nether boy crying and says little boy why are you crying cause a red Apple came down and hit me on the head so he's walking along abd sees a little girl laughing little girl he says why are you laughing cause I farted and the building be hind me bluw up lol ????

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People with the best sense of humor visit anti-joke.com.

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Two muffins are in an oven. The oven is set to 425 degrees farenheit. The two muffins are taken out of the oven once cooked, and enjoyed by the couple who cooked them.

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What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My vagina is Red, Im on my period.

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What has 2 legs, a heart and a conscience? YER MA

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What are little Timmy's hopes and dreams? Destroyed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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