What happened to the plumber payed in gum? His family left him because he was irresponsible with his business

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Why didn't the man eat the carrots? Because he was a vegetarian.

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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A

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin. You already told her twice.

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You know what really grinds my gears? Insufficient lubricant.

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How did Little Jimmie leave school? In a body bag.

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Why Was the student driver using his cell phone in the car? Because he had gotten in a mild accident with a midsized sedan so he was quickly dialing his AAA agent for roadside assistance so he can get back to his loving family and three children

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What did the astronaut say at AA? Alcohol is ruining my life.

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Why was the Mexican running? He was being chased by border patrol!

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That joke was so funny that I fell off my dinosaur. Then afterwards had to be put in a rehabilitation center because I am schizophrenic and dinosaurs are extinct.

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Why did the Mexican go to the food marke To get some food.

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What is really hard around Kim Kardashian? Diamonds.

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A paraplegic walks into a bar.

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What do you call an arab flying a 747? A pliot.

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I don't believe in giraffes.

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A guys walks up to a drug dealing looking to score some drugs. The deal was made an the man quickly arrested the drug dealer because he was actually a undercover cop

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what do you call the one eyed man in the land of the blind? You call him an outcast

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There are two cows standing in a field eating grass. The first cow says "moo", the second cow says "Thats funny, I was about to say that".

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What's brown and sticky? a stick

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Why did the black man quit his job as a rapper? Because he was an admirable father and husband and was willing to sacrifice his passion to provide for those he loved.

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How do you make a tissue dance? You really can't, but you could grab it and shake it around so it looks like its dancing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He has to on his commute to work. He is a taxpaying citizen who does his 8-5 job to try and cut out a decent living for his wife and kids, so stop questioning the route that he takes to get to work.

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Alien vs. Predator = Evil Staplers vs. Evil Jamaicans

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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