A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have 2 weeks to live.

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How long does it take a black woman to have a baby? Nine months, give or take a few days depending on whether she goes into labour early or not.

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i came... i saw... -myself when i came.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fish.

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Why was Jacob not allowed to play sports? He fell down in the middle off the street and got ran over 50 times and could never do anything again.

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Banana

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Your mom is so fat she probably has a body mass index of between 25 and 30 which is considered to be "overweight" but paradoxically is associated with fewer health risks by medical professionals.

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Roses are grey, violets are grey, I am color blind.

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47

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What is the difference between a boyscout and a Jew? Boys outs come home from camp.

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What did the old person find on the internet? Porn.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Someone else's cheese.

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What do you call a black man carrying a bag full of drugs? A police officer who has just confiscated the bag from a drug dealer and is on his way to send the bag off to be destroyed.

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pup

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a short term memory Roses are red

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blond are all stuck on an island 100 miles away from the nearest civilization with no resources. After 2 weeks, they decide that no one is going to save them and they have to swim for it. The brunette swims 25 miles and then gets eaten by sharks. The redhead swims 75 miles and then drowns. The blond swims 99 miles but got tired, so she swam back.

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Knock knock? Who's There? I AMMM!!! (thumb this down please xD)

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What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? One is a person of Jewish descent and the other is a device for traversing waterways akin to the raft.

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Q: is this the krusty krab? A: No this is patrick!

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How many Jews did Hitler kill during the Holocaust? Too many.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is deceased, therefore rendering her incapable of movement, which is required to drive a vehicle.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie!

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Why did the Mexican fall off of a cliff? He lost is ballence.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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