What's worse than dropping you're ice cream? Getting your face mauled off by a German Shepard.

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What's brown and sticky? The british econonic system from 2 May 1997 to 27 June 2007.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven killed all of six's family

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What's harder to pick up, a football or an anvil? It doesn't matter when you lost your fingers in 'nam.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing-set? She had no arms. Knock-knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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how much fish could a chicken

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What's the difference between a Pimple and a Priest? One waits till you're 13 to "come" on your face.

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What's older than history? Pre-history.

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What's worse than finding a band aid in your Crock-pot? Finding a Crock-pot in your band aid.

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A christian, a Jew, and a muslim walk into a bar. They order their drinks and have a good night because no one knows they are all of different religions.

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What's as bad as doing something you don't like? Doing another thing you don't like

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What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

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A man was walking through the woods when he comes across a little girl crying by a lake. "What is the matter little girl?" he asked. "My cat fell in the lake ... and it couldn't swim ... so my father jumped in as well and drowned too," she cried," Sad, the man sighed, pulled down his pants and said, "Well I guess today's just not your day,"

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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What's the difference between Jordan and Time? Time passes!!

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Wanna hear a joke? Joe Jonas.

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Why did the man pick the flower? Because he didn't like flowers.

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Did the Jewish surgeon charge extra for circumcisions? Nope, he just kept the tips

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69

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Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

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Q:What do you call a sheep with no legs? A: A cloud.

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how do you wake up a cat? you break it.

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a gay guy is in a club, from across the room he sees another attractive man with now shirt and he gets an erection.

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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