Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

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Brian Singmaster. Look him up, he's cute.

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How do you stop the neighbors kids from jumping the fence into your property? Molest them.

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Why didn't the Mammoth go to school? Because his species went extinct before the development of organized education. And he's also a Mammoth.

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I need a way to meet local babes and get ripped in 4 weeks. Shame there aren't any popularly advertised methods of doing that around here...

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

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Jo Brand no longer looks like a ball sack draped over a football.

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Last night, I awoke to the unsettling sound of an alarm. My initial thought was fire. However, after analyzing the situation, I realized that it was only my alarm clock. I turned off the alarm clock, and got out of bed. Then my brother walked in my room and hit me in the face with a toaster.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Not Harry Styles! - Louis

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whats big and can vibrate after you turn it on? A washing machine.

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What's long, hard, and black, and goes into wet things? A submarine.

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What's funnier than the world ending? Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder in a staring contest.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing because muffins can't talk. The other muffin replied, 'What an odd conversation starter!'

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Q: What do you call a robot in a concert? A: Electric fan

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Granny porn!

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Why was the boy sad? I don't know, ask him.

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Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the road. A: because he's a chicken?

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Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? A: A Problem. Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon? A: An even bigger problem. Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon? A: Problem solved hahaha Q: What would you get if Newcastle were relegated? A: 45,000 more Chelsea fans

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If monkeys ate trees, than what would trees be made out of? No one knows because that will never happen.

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Student: This guy is bothering me! Teacher: And you expect me to do something about it?

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What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most rhymes rhyme But this one doesnt

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What did the 20-year old woman say too the old man? HI GRANDPA!

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how many babies can fit into a microwave i dont know i havent tried

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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