What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy finds lamp in the desert and rubs it three times. No genie appears because there's no such thing as magic.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the boy throw butter out the window? Because he was mentally handicaped

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you tell a crazy man that he is on fire? You're on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did Jerry Sandusky get for Christmas? Raped in jail.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Q: why did the white man buy a burge A: cuz he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why do turtles walk slow? They are physically incapable of walking fast.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the Soviet plane crash? It was joseph Stallin in the air.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

So Bob walked into his house after a long day at work and layed a rope on his bed. A few hours later his wife came home and found a beautiful tire swing in their backyard but her husband shot him self in his throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Physical abuse.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I once saw a picture of a man who was bloodily murdered with his testicles replacing his eyes. then i had a nightmare, that was completely unrelated

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the plums over the hill. She was color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How do u get Hitler out of a car? You open the door.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

what do u call a blonde in the libary? alexandra wallace

thumb_up thumb_down -14

knock knock who's there auntie auntie who? anti-joke

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What color was the fence before it was painted green? Not green.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Where did Mary go when the bomb blew up? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine [Emo Philips]

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken would greatly appreciate it if you stayed out of its personal life.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

knock knock. who's there myhairs myhairs who myhairs fallen out

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's brown, smells like shit, and are annoying as hell? Taking shits

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what is the awesomest of them all? me

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the worlds most popular burger? The Krabby Patty

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops