How do you get a hot blonde to do your laundry? At knife point.

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Why are we on a roof? Becuse some idiot gave us all roofies.

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Nope, I mean you can try, but my phone is busted and the code on the chip my galpal here managed to finally get into the cell, has sixteen digits so damn small that none of us can read it,

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? The number varies based on the amount of skill and understanding each infant has in using the paintbursh and red paint.

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"Have you got any Saturday jobs available?" "Yes"

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What's long and really hard? The fourth grade.

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Why does steve wonder always smile? He doesn't know he's black

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What does the homosexual arab who plays football who has a best friend called Dave enjoy doing? Playing football.

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What did the mother do when she find out her daughter left for the party? Nothing. She realized her daughter was old enough to make mature descions.

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What do you do when a black man points a gun at your face? you do what he tells you to do.

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why did the US nuke japan besause sending chuck norris would be to cruel

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Why was the boy walking in circles? One of his feet was nailed to the floor...

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Why was 2 afraid of three Because it bigger

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Knock Knock Who's There? Just open the damn door I forgot my key and I really need to pee

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What was Mozart's favorite vegetable? Aspara-gus.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "My face isn't long relative to the others of my species, it is actually quite normal."

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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Why couldn't the kid eat his vegetables? His parents stabbed him...

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Call me Ishmael. Or don't. Well, you can, but I'm not forcing you. You could call me Steve or Bob, it's not really that important. I'm just around here anyway to tell about a huge white dick. A whale dick. A SPERM whale dick. Never mind. Or the guy whose obsessed with it. No, it's not what it sounds like. He just wants to stab it with his harpoon. Wait, that sounds even worse. Whatever. Anyway, call me Ishmael...

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Where did the farmer take his pigs on Saturday afternoon? the Slaughterhouse

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms.

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Ruff, hi, ruff ruff, we are both dogs ruff ruff, ruff ruff, ruff!!

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You're momma is so dumb, she has troubles passing her math unit and should seriously consider a math touter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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