Why did the horse fall over? Because I shot it

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Congratulations, sir. The judge has determined that the charges of traffic violation against you were indeed incorrect, and you will be given a large sum of cash for your wasted time.

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What is the difference between an Irishman and a plank of wood? Almost everything, including anatomy, chemical make up, mass etc

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Q. How do you get a dinosaur off a slide? A. You tell him he hasn't lived for billions of years.

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Where did little Timmy go when the bomb dropped? Everywhere.

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An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it’s a bird of prey.

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Want to hear an anti-joke?

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So a female ant walks into a bar... and someone steps on it.

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What did one hostage say to the other hostage? Hrmfhrmfphmfr

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SUCK MY 29 AND A HALF FOOT LONG DICK BITCH JUST KIDDING............ IT IS 69 FEET LONG GIGADY

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He who laughs last gathers no moss.

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What do you call a deer with no legs? Legs in the City

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Knock knock! Who's there? Girl scouts selling cookies! I'm not legally allowed within 500 yards of you. Please get off my property.

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Chuck Norris doesn't wait in traffic, he takes the subway

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Why are anti jokes so repetitive? Because you're reading too many, get off your computer.

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On a deserted island in the middle of nowhere three women have just been in a horrible boat wreck. They are okay and alive. One is a lovely smart brunette. An appealing ginger. And a blond.. named Becky. They take shelter when one of them notices a shimmer in the sand. They pick it up to discover that it was a golden lamp. They rub it and a blue cloud of smoke consumes them. Then a magnificent Guinnie appears and says "You have awoken me from my 10,000 year encasement inside that lamp! I shall grant you 3 wishes to show you my sincere gratitude." The brunette wishes for a plane so she can fly home. The ginger wishes for a boat to sail back home. The blonde was lonely so she wished that the brunette and the ginger were back with her.

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why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. Why did the man get a check in the mail every month? Cause he's black Why did Obama Cross the road? Cause he lost control of congress

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The president, Oprah and Abraham Lincoln are sitting in a crashing airplane. lol

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?"i'm so turned on right now." - horny light bulb

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A duck walks into a bar he buys a drink and says To the bartender "Put it on my bill." the duck is charged With $800.

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Popsicles

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, I'm sorry but you have about four to six months to live. The man goes home and checks his million dollar life insurance policy.It expires in three months.

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Q: What did the man with no arms and no legs receive for Christmas? A: Cancer

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What did the fat man do when someone told him he was fat? He kept eating, for he was deaf.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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