- Anti Joke

keep your eye off me if you dont look at me, how do you know i looked at you? there is a mirror

What do you call a lady that cleans? A cleaning lady.

Her hair was fine, her scent was great, now show me your fucking ****.......please

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree He had no limbs

Child birth. So easy women can do it.

Why did a duck cross the street? It didn't. It was hit by a car.

Are you a psychopath? Take this short quiz. Q1. You live in an apartment building (about 10~15 stories). You were a student studying for an exam, but decided to take some rest. You looked out the window and witnessed a man killing a girl. The man saw you and moved his finger in a certain motion. Just from the information given, what do you think the man was doing with his finger? Q2. Someone is in front of you. Who is that person? Q3. There is a portrait of a man who went to war. He was injured in two places. Where was he injured? (List the two places he was injured.) Q4. A little boy received a bike and a soccer ball for presents. But the boy hated them. Why didn't the boy like the two presents? Q5. You're a thief. You broke into someone's house. The owner of the house saw you; you have no choice but to kill the owner. But the owner hid inside the closet. How are you going to kill the owner? Q6. You're a twin (and you're a girl). You were born before your twin sister. Your grandma recently passed away and you guys had to hold a funeral for her. At the funeral, you saw a handsome, young man. You fell deeply in love him... But, you killed your twin sister. Why did you kill your twin sister? Q7. You live in an apartment. You were watching TV, but someone was knocking hard on the door. You looked through the peephole and there was a man who was holding a knife. What are you going to do? Q8. You're the youngest member of the family. You saw your mom, dad, brother, sister, etc. die right in front of your eyes. But you stood still or did nothing. Why did you? Q9. You were very thirsty. You decided to get a drink from the vending machine. What color drink did you choose? ---------------------------------------------------- A1. Normal: Memorizing your face to kill you. Psychopath: Counting what floor you live in. A2. Normal: Murderer/Criminal Psychopath: a landowner A3. Normal: Whatever the psychopath didn't say... Psychopath: Eyes and chest A4. Normal: Already own it or hate it Psychopath: Doesn't have legs A5. Normal: Stick a knife inside and kill the owner. Psychopath: Wait in front of the closet until the owner come it. A6. Normal: To see that handsome, young man again. Psychopath: To have that man all to yourself. A7. Normal: Do not open the door. Psychopath: Open the door, take the knife away from the man and stab him. A8. Normal: You were going to die anyway, too. Psychopath: Because you were bribed. A9. Normal: Red, blue, orange, etc. Psychopath: White, clear

Whats big, hairy, and super long? My big toe you pervert.

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

What does Santa and a grape have in common? They're both purple, except Santa.

Two birds fly onto a bench. They cherp 3 times and sit there enjoying the nice weather.

How do you wake up lady gaga? punch her in the dick.

what do jews, blacks, and asians have in common? they have all been targets of racism!

Knock knock: Who's there: Woo: Woo Who: I knew you'd be glad to see me.

Knock knock. Who's there? Mom. Mom who? SHUT THE F**K UP AND OPEN THE DOOR!!!

Q: What happened when the Mexican went to the doctors? A: He was diagnosed with depression.

Why did the old man fall off a bicycle? He had a fridge thrown at him.

Q:If a lesbian woman is wearing a jean jacket, high heels, camouflage shorts, and sunglasses, what gender is she ? A: Sheep.

Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

What is the biggest fictional book ever made? Either the Bible, or the Dictionary.

How do you make a puppy stop barking? Throw a brick at it.

a 10 year old walks into a bar and orders a beer, he is then escorted out because you are not aloud to be under 21 years old to be in a bar

Doctor, I keep imagining Doctors. hayball rolls

Three guys went hunting on a rainy day. The first guy slipped.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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