What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where did my tractor go.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a dead blond in a closet? A homicide victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems nice tits

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A sign at the drug rehab centre said keep off the grass. Jimmy thought it was a joke. So the groundskeeper chopped his legs off.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How did the chicken cross the road? Assuming the vehicles yielded to the chicken, it looked both directions before crossing then proceded across the street while staying between the crosswalk lines until it had reached the other side of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the horse get for Christmas? Starvation and neglect because its owner has been dead for three months of old age and he was a raging, angry, achoholic so no one cared if hey was dead and/or bothered to see if he was alive

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A: Knock Knock. B: ... A: Knock Knock. B: ... A: I guess nobody's home. (leaves.)

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a black man driving a plane? You don't call it anything. You don't drive a plane you fly it.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

what's the fastest way to have someone murder you tell your wife you are cheating on her

thumb_up thumb_down -17

On her day off, a fully clothed stripper walks into a bar she's never been to before. The regulars turn their heads to see who has just walked in, then turn back to their own conversations.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

speak now or forever hold your pee

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

No soap radio

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Passing by

thumb_up thumb_down -21

"Ask me if I'm a tree!" "Are you a tree?" "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

hey, can you answer a question for me? yeah, sure. ThankYou!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Did you hear about the black guy who got into college? Actually, there are nearly 10,00 African Americans who get accepted into college every year. This specific black male is notable because of his stellar grades and his activity in his community.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Your momma's so fat; She has a constant sense of insecurity due to the instability in her relationships caused by her involuntary obesity.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

an islamic man with a strange bag walk into thr airport. he is probably heading toward his flight like any other person.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

5

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did the chubby, dirty, hobo get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What did the mother say when her sons asked for a can of pop? No you have diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Dear People who are reading this, I am seriously considering suicide. My Mom beats me and my Dad rapes me in the butthole until i bleed. I have no friends and the only way i get my nut off is if it is into a napkin. I often put peanutbutter on my ballsack and have my dog lick it off. It is the only time that i am happy. I have the gun to my head right now and if you wanna talk me out of it. I live in Lincoln, Nebraska. My number is (402)713-9565. Hurry before i run out of time...... and tears. Sincerely, Adam Claypool

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops