Why are stand up comedians called stand up comedians? Because they are standing up while telling jokes, dumby.

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*there was a tv sitting on the side of the road..* person 1: hey why doesn't that tv work? person 2: because it's broken?? person 1: no..because its not plugged in!

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Why can't Hellen Keller play the piano? She's dead.

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Jacob loves stroking his gf's doodle every lunch break. He was embarrased cause it was bigger than his.

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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what do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names.

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What did the banana say to the apple? We're fruity.

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Q: Human being? A: False. Jew.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one is a watermelon.

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Why where the 3 little children talking about muffins? Because muffins are smart.

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Why did Pamela Anderson cross the road? To meet me.

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A man walks into a bar, sits down and the bartender comes over and asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, "Carrot Juice."

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Why did the girl go fishing? Because she was the bait

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When is a bus not a bus? When it turns into a street

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whats big and can vibrate after you turn it on? A washing machine.

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Friends are like potato, when you eat them die.

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What do you get if you mix razor blades with babies? An erection.

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Man #1:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: I don't know Man #1: Because he died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Because he died? Man #1: Yep. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Man #2: Really? Come on, I've already answered your stupid question. Man #1: JUST ANSWER! Man #2: Fine, because he died. Man #1: No, peer pressure. Duh. Man #2 promplty punches Man #1 in the face and continues about his buisness.

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what is the difference between lizzy and a momma hippo........ lizzy doesnt bathe.

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So I was walking down the street the other day, I went to the shop.

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Have you heard about the hipster paleontologist? He liked dinosaurs better when they were underground.

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Suzie has no arms and no legs and is on a swing. what happened? she fell and died knock knock whos there? not suzie.

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How do you fit a giraffe into a refrigerator? You cut it into pieces.

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Whats bloody and is dead. My son.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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