Roses are red Violets are blue Vodka is less Than dinner for two

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Your moms so fat, she needed repruductive surgury.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

DOWN

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What happened after four homosexual clowns all squeezed into a little toy car simultaneously? Children and parents alike were amazed by this feat, and considered their $5 entrance fee very well spent.

thumb_up thumb_down -142

what is the difference between hitler and the jews? They had different religions

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Is this the Krusty Krab? No, This is Patrick.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

a boy walked into a pet store to get his bird some food. they were all out. the bird died.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A moose walks into a grocery store, he asks the deer where he could find some bisquits, the deer says "oh it's in aigle 6." So the moose goes to aigle 6...and there ain't no bisquits!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I heard a joke one time about a Rabbi, a Priest, and a little boy. It wasn't funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Is this the Krusty Krab? Actually it is,how may i help you?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do you know if there is a monster under your bed? Monsters are mythical creatures that, even if they were real, would be unlikely to sleep under a child-sized bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

How can you tell your not italian? You aint no Guito!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why must you never cross an elephant with a human being? It is impossible anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why are young girls better at school than young boys? Because young boys think about young girls.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the Skyrim guard stop adventuring? He was killed in action and his family misses him terribly.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I put the STD in stud now all i need is U

thumb_up thumb_down -3

That was slightly painful. I would appreciate it if you would stop such actions in the future

thumb_up thumb_down -21

whats worse than being out in the cold? Being on the sun.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

The Blonde walked into a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Why'd the girl fall off her bike? She rode over a curb

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did batman do before getting into his batmobile? - Look for the keys.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You always hear of the 9/11 stories where people who work in the World Trade Centers were late that day or home sick or whatever. My mom also worked there. It was a normal morning, got up to make us breakfast, got us to school on time, the whole bit. After having to do all that stuff, she actually got to work on time, and she died in the attack.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops