Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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Roses are red Violets are blue My walls are yellow

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What do you call a Mexican in a kitchen? A chef.

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why did the man paint his house? because he never wanted to paint his house

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What happens when you divide by zero? According to the limits in Calculus, 1/x as x approaches 0 becomes closer to infinity, so we can safely conclude that if we could divide by zero, it would be a form of infinity. Positive infinity for 1/0, negative infinity for -1/0 and unsigned infinity for 0/0, as zero has no sign.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? Neither has he.

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What did the pedefile say to the child? Get in the van

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Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is to sparsely populated and not economically viable.

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Hi, how are you doing? Good, yourself? Fine, thanks. Have a nice day. You too, bye.

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If you have read this its to late. You have already read this. Im am very sorry.

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Don't tease the fat kids. They have enough on their plates.

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What did the lampshade say to the other lampshade? Nothing they sat in silence

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what did the dead cat say to the dead dog? Nothing, they're dead

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i remember when i was a child i wanted a skateboard but my parents would never buy me one so late one night i crept downstairs and got a hammer and some wood and i beat them to death my foster parents baught me 5 skateboards

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A hard-working man, in his early forties with slightly graying hair, arrives to work earlier every day. He values integrity and dedication. His loving wife is proud of his accomplishments and her favorite part of the day is when he arrives home from a day at the office. He is close friends with the Director of HR, because he believes that we all should be respected and treated fairly on the job. Today, there is a board meeting, which he prepared for extensively, because he cares deeply about what happens to this great company. His boss greets him after the meeting is done and says, "Great job, that presentation was even better than yours usually are." It was a very long meeting, so they both end up going to the Men's Room. What does he say when his boss corners him near the urinals and demands sex? Nothing. He doesn't like to talk during sex.

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how do you kill a blonde? hit her in the back repeatedly with a crowbar

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What do you call a fish without an eye? Impaired of vision.

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If your mom is a teacher and your dad is a gynecologist, how many pancakes does it take to stack on top of a dog house roof? 12. Because footballs don't have feathers.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your bipolar aunt so don't ask again.

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a white guy, a black guy, and a latino guy all walk into a bar. The white man explains how his family is in turmoil because of his alcholism, the black guy shares his affection for crack, and the latino man explains why he shouldnt be here due to illegal immigration. They all hate their lives. Quack

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How much hard work does it take to become a man? To get to the other side!

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Q: Why did the boy fall off his bike? A: Someone threw a refridgerator at his head.

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How do Mexicans have sex? They get in bed, and the man puts his dick in his partner's vagina.

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Why did the girl eat a cookie? Because cookies are good.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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