whats green and has wheels? grass i lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. It started raining and an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Sorry not thinking here, of course I will arrive sooner, give me 20 minutes or so (got to scout the area, you never know) As for coding, there is no hidden meaning so yeah... That is probably some "Neronist" coding format I never knew of I am using so well. Cant drive like this, so I will use a cab and wait for you at the back seat or something, I will let the Taxi cab honk the numbers of code here so you can come out knowing its safe. I sincerely thought you where at the home, according to our coordinates you are... Dont tell me that bastard built some basement over there, wow! I really miss him now, if nothing else because I would have liked a wine cellar made in less than... Sorry, ill be there asap, 20 minutes or less, nah, believe me, "fancy" is the least of things I want, and I wont be changing my mind anytime soon. See ya. I am sincerely surprised you even remember me, then again I look a lot like your crush. Abel (in case you where wondering, this is not my name either, but you get the picture by now)

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? -Gave her a timeout

thumb_up thumb_down -12

There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's worse than having a friend in a car accident? Laughing at their funeral.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

What can little Billy play? The tumour, sorry I meant what will little Billy die from.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the doctor say to the Jew? You have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: How do you keep a carnival fish for more than a week? A: Place it in formaldehyde when you get home

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Your mom's so fat, I tried to rape her but couldn't find her p**** and gave up. Instead I decided to take her out to dinner. We enjoyed a lovely meal and I spent the rest of the night trimming her fat with a vegetable peeler while she screamed and bled all over the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

roses are red violets are blue sunflowers are yellow I bet you were expecting something romantic but this is just gardening facts

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hey man how was your trip? great!!! It blew my mind

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Did you hear the joke about the pencil? Nevermind it was pointless.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Three men walk in to a bar, One ducked

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was the clown in red shoes wearing skis? Because he likes to ski in red shoes, and he's a clown

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Q: What do the French call a quarter pounder with cheese? A: Le Royale with cheese

thumb_up thumb_down +2

a black guy and a mexican are in the backseat of a car, who's driving the car? the owner of the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

To mama's so fat when she went to Dairy Queen she Ordered a blizzard.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Hey, you know what sucks about being blind? You can see.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

homosexual

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops