Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red, violets are blue; So give me head, or I queue you!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats worse than finding bubba in your house? Getting raped by a rabid racoon..

thumb_up thumb_down +7

An englishman, a scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar together. They sit down at the bar, and the barman says, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didnt, the chicken is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the deaf, blind, poor orphan get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you mess with Helen Keller? Move all the furniture in her room.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

so a man walks into a bar..... and says ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Did you hear the one about the broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: A sad, unfortunate dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? (written in 1600 BCE - Westcar Papyrus) -You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why'd the duck cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock! Who's there? The duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

if life gives you lemonnde your probally halusinating

thumb_up thumb_down +20

For every person with a broken heart, there is another person out there with a stapler <3 And that person really needs to staple their math papers together so they can turn them in.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

NO! I'm putting it in my front room, you sick bastard!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

There was a girl who had a dream of becoming a famous movie star. So, after five years of hard work and dedication, she didn't become a famous movie star. Dreams don't always come true. Refrigerators keep things cold.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What did the Black Man say to the Mexican Fellow Guy? A: Hello.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

your mammas so fat she has to buy pants in the xxlarge section of the store

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do men and women have in common? They're both respected members of society, besides women.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Ed Rambo. EXPERIENCE as John Rambo is kidnapped by AL QUAIDA (because he did not totally save their ass in the second or third movie riiiight) Leaving Ed Rambo, his son (Played by Eddie Murphy) up to the task of saving him, from Al Quaida`s real leader... Yes, its a conspiracy! "Okay, first Obama is supposedly a terrorist, but seriously the secret alliance between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton?" Bullshit movie reviews. "So the explanation is that Ed Rambo is black because John Rambo married an Asian woman? What about their age? They are probably the same or something!" Mad Magazine. Moral: Yeah because this annoys you, and you all kinda love me I know its Al Qaeda, but who wants to type that... Now it does not say Skynet is watching anymore... After four times... Wow, god damn we need robocop to be real before the Termitetrisnators travel back in time into our dimension. AND NOT ADAM SANDLERS: ROBOCOP.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What do you call a black hitchhiker? A: A hitchhiker

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Whats worse than jizzing while your on a date? Shitting in you pants while your on a date.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Roses are red, Sometimes they're white. Or pink. Or yellow. There are roses of many colors.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops