Why did the cow cross the road? It was escorted by its owner to get to the slaughter-house.

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Why didn't the Hawaiian man know how to surf? He lives in Kansas

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What's black and gets in trouble a lot? A dog with black fur that has not been well trained.

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Yo mama so fat that her weight is starting to tear her and your father apart.

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A man with no face walks into a bar, another man sees this and promptly asks "Sir, why do you have no face?" The first man says nothing and walks away.

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Why did the gay man sneek out of the brothel? Because he was ashamed of his well paying reception job

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Who the hell named a blue flower "violet"?

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What do you call a kid with cancer? screwed

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whats red white and blue? i dont know

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like pie. I know you do too.

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Kys

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor

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Why is Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven is a psychopath, that's why.

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what's funnier than hell? heaven

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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What's black, white, and red all over? An African American and Caucasian man painting a house with red paint and accidentally spilling some on themselves

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What is the difference between Madeleine McCan and a toaster? A toaster wasn't raped and murdered.

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Why did the insect play marco polo? It couldn't. Marco polo requires multiple players.

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a horse walks into a barn

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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Why did the little boy fall off his bike? He was hit by a truck.

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Every 5 seconds a child dies in Somalia. Good news is there are 4 second intervals when a child isn't dying in Somalia. I say kill them all

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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