what did the dog say to the cat? give me back my dog food.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Umm... Why would it not?

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Q: what do you call the green and the (stone eater) animal? A:the green and the (stone eater) animal

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There was an apartment. At the bottom level lived a white family, The 2nd level, there was a mexican family, and the 3rd level, there was a Black family. Someone blew up the apartment with a bomb, WHO SURVIVED? The white family, because the parent were at work and the kids were at school.

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Jay Z: a guy eats a gluten free pickle flavored cupcake, what happened? Will ferell: no one knows what it means! It's provocative!!

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Why did the pilot crash the plane? It was a tomato.

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Me Neither.

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What comes after "Q" R

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Homonyms should be band.

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so a salesman knocks on a mans' door and asks if he would like to hear a salespitch but the man didn't answer he came back two minutes later and knocked and asked if the man would be intrested in some girl scout cookies and the man tore the door off the hinges.

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Why is the melon having a wedding? Because it cantaloupe.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? He has flourished throughout his musical career and is a very accomplished man, as he has won many Grammys

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Q: What's long and gray and kills people? A: A gas pipe.

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Q. why can't hellen keller drive? A. because she is dead

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when i yell your name i probably want your attention :) S.H.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A watch and a pair of socks.

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Whats worst than being stuck in a cage with one blonde? Being stuck in a cage with four blondes.

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A rabbi and priest both go into a bar... and they each had a responsible number of drinks before walking home.

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knock knock whos there .. derp

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Your momma is so ugly that when she stepped on the mirror, it broke.

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What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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