Little Jimmy has 100 candy bars, and he eats 95 of them. What dies little Jimmy have? Diabetes

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Why couldn't the immigrant who was brand new to America hold a conversation with anyone? He was mute.

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2 men were friends 1 went to hell The other went to heaven

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God is like semen. They're both nouns.

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How did the guy feel after his wife died? Pretty shitty, I'd imagine..

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Q: How Do You Stop a Bus? A: Pull the Brakes so it comes to a absolute stop.

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FUS RO DAH!!!

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How is pinocchio's nose like a penis? They're nothing alike.

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What is worst then a blond trying to pass collage?....... There is nothin wrong with that

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Why did Gina laugh? Because something was funny.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

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Why did the chicken invent a memory ereaser machine? So he could erease everyone's memory so they would stop making chicken jokes

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Why couldn't the white child dunk the basketball? His legs were amputated and he has been confined to a wheelchair.

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A blonde, ginger, and brunette took the SAT. They all performed successfully and were admitted into their colleges of choice.

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whats sad about a bus full of blacks driving over a cliff? the driver was white

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Actually it was me Josh brown

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What is the biggest lie of 2011? "I do"- Kim kardashian

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Why did Justin Bieber jump out of the airplane? He didn't, i pushed him

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Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

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Why did the man break all his bones? Because his parachute failed to open

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Where was Andy Beckett WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT? In the dark

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why did the cow eat the seahorse/ because my shift keys are broken1

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What do you call a joke without a punchline?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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