I'm Andrew Schmitt

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A flight attendant walks up to a black man on a plane. She then asks if he would like anything to drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

(Q)What do you call 4+4? (A) A math problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A boy asks his teacher for a eraser....he was given a blue pen. Turns out he was in space.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why are their no mexicans in hell they all jumped the border

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Two cougars are at a nightclub. Suddenly, they attack and 8 patrons are mauled to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Where did the Welsh man work? At an office complex.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

just sit down and dont be a Jew

thumb_up thumb_down

I like my coffee how I like my women. Without a penis. - Blake Woodman

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the sloth cross the road? To murder your whole family.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A Black man walks out of a KFC.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the man jump into the river? He wanted to go for a swim, but the pool was closed, so he swam in the river.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the longest word in the English language? Tuna. (I lied about it being the longest word in the language.)

thumb_up thumb_down -20

People shouldnt make fun of holocaust jokes..my grandpa died cause of it! he fell off the gaurd tower

thumb_up thumb_down -9

My former roomate had that game, about some bald guy that can slow down time, but thats like supernatural or something.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A blonde was drinking water from the water fountain. She was very thirsty.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the chicken cross the road? That is none of your concern as it invades his freedom of privacy.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

In Soviet Russia ? ??? ??? ????????.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What happens when you lay a diamond in the water for two hours? It gets wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is a dogs favorite color? Gray due to the fact that they cant see any other color

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How can you tell if your goldfish is male or female? Put some fishfood in the bowl, if he swims to the food it's a male, if she swims to the food it's a female.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops