Roses are red violets are purple what the hell happened to your ugly face

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I'm currently on a seafood diet That is, I only eat seafood.

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- knock knock. - Who's There? - Steve. - Steve who? - Fitzsimmons. We met at your wife's work party.

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How did the ruttabaga believe itself to be a ruttabaga? Because it was in fact NOT a ruttabaga, but some self-aware individual with delusions.

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Why do Asians get 50% off on movies? They don't.

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Q.If you are European in the bathroom, what are you in the kitchen? A. A woman.

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Why Did Suzie fall of the swing? She has Polio and will die the Next Day

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ASSCHEEKS

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What do you call a dancing panda bear? I'm not sure, but panda bears are pretty big, so the possibility of them dancing is highly unlikely.

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WHAT HAS MAN BOOBS THE SIXE OF JUPITER BOMBER NEVILLE

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so a horse walks into a bar right, and he goes up to the bartender, and the bartender being a smartass says why the long face(get because hes a horse), and the horse says his wife is dying of lung cancer, child services are taking his kids away , and im addicted to crack and that is why i have a long face the bartender then gives him the next round for free and the the horse dies of alchohol poisoning

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A Blonde walks into a bar. She is an abusive relationship and is drinking her pain away.

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what did the farmer say to the cowgirl that made her positive that she had a weird laugh? you have a weird laugh.

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Why was Jimmy so upset? Because both of his parents died.

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Hitler arrives at his neighbor's barmitzfah... fashionably late.

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An ordinary man, much like your friend Brad from that one place where you used to hang out, was walking along one night, much like that night last week, and saw a star. He then wished upon that star...and kept walking.

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Q:Howd the blind kid find his way home? A:He didnt, he got lost and died of starvation.

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Q. What's silver and cries? A. Someone who's been stabbed while wearing a suit of armour.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Why did Alice cross the road? Because she wasn't funny. At all. So the people on the other side of the road asked her to do so.

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what's an advantage of breaking every bone in your body? nothing, you're screwed.

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How do you stop a black kid from bouncing on the bed? Put Velcro on the cealing.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "What'll it be?" The man quietly gazes out at the other people in the bar. He continues to do this for a while, until eventually the bartender calmly taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, and the man turns to look over at him. "What can I get you today?" He asks the man. "What?" the man replies. Turns out he's deaf. Who knew?

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How do you kill Helen Keller? With a gun.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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