A Psychologist said that I am a pessimist... Figures.

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What do you call a woman who has one leg that's shorter than the other? Asymmetrical.

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Why did the cow cross the road? Cause it wanted to. Why di the chicken cross the road? Cause it was stapled to the cow's face.

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What is worse than a baby nailed to a tree? The holocaust. What is worse than 20 babies nailed to a tree? A baby nailed to 20 trees.

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Yo mama so fat, she was accepted to a clinical trial for treatment of morbid obesity in middle-aged women.

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Q: what do strawberry and a cat have in common? A: they are both red except for the cat

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? Because the burglars tied her up and gagged her before they robbed the house and she couldn't do anything until one of the neighbors found her and untied her.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Guy1:should I ask this girl out? Guy2:NO!!!!!!! Guy1:????????

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That maternal figure of yours is of such inadequate intelligence that she cannot fathom that, given a scatterplot with a linear correlation of greater than -1 and lesser than 1 and a reasonably consistent rise over run, a future value along the y-axis can be predicted if following the y=a(x)+b equation.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where's my tractor

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Why did the elephant paint its toenails red? So it could hide in a cherry tree. Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No.... See, it works!

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Why did the idiot take a selfie with his phone underwater? Because he's an idiot

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Jesse ziggenfat hates his life. He's really obese. Just like his mom...and his sister...and his brother.....and his dad.... And his dog? Bacon?

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World peace

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Q: Why did Sarah fall off the swings? A: She had no arms Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

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Justin Bieber walked into a strip club. Selena Gomez wasn't there.

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why did the man turn on and off the lights 20 times because he was diagnosed with O.C.D as a child

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How could you wake up Lady Gaga? poke her face

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What's an Animal? A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body, in which the eyes usually close and consciousness is completely or partially lost, so that there is a decrease in bodily movement and responsiveness to external stimuli. During sleep the brain in humans and other mammals undergoes a characteristic cycle of brain-wave activity that includes intervals of dreaming. ... are you retarded? yes how did you know?

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Why didnt the boy finish the race? Becuase he stepped on a land mine.

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So two Penn State administrators walk into a butt.

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A chickens walks into a bar... And greets her fellow friends

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What did the orange say to the lemon? "Hello"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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