Q:If pigs ever played basketball, then what sound would they make? A:Oink-oink

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How do you get out of a car with only a baseball bat and a hammer? Unlock the door.

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james schmitt whats your last name

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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side

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What do you call bad anti-jokes? Suckish comedy What do you call suckish comedy? Bad anti-jokes

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What did one fetus say to they other fetus? Nothing they were aborted.

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twenty three roaches walk into a bar. the bar is evacuated due to insects.

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Why couldn't people tell the difference between the two twins? Because they were indentical.

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Q: What do you call a white guy cooking a dinner? A: A chef

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Tiny timmy likes timmy turner in his time of tingling on christmas.

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Why are black men's genitals larger than white men's genitals. Black men's genitals are made up of more skin cells.

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Three bitches walk into a bar, and die

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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There was this land of cheerios. The regular cheerios were the poor ones, the honey nut cheerios were middle class but loved to party, and the frosted cheerios were very wealthy. So there was a young regular cheerio named paul who really had a crush on this frosted cheerio girl named sophia. He liked her so much, that he finally got the courage to ask her out. Shyly he asked her "do you want to go to prom with me" she said "no i only date frosted cheerios". Paul understood and went back to his house dissapointed. The next day Paul went to the doctor and he asked for an operation to make him a frosted cheerio. Since he wasn't very wealthy he could only afford an opperation that would make him a half cheerio. He decided it will do. The next day he approched sophia and asked "will you go to prom with me now" she said "sorry i only date full frosted cheerios" The next day paul went back to the doctor and convinced his parents to lend him some money to become a full frosted, so thats what he did. The next day he asked her out and she finnally said yes. A few days later they went to the prom together that was hosted by the honey nut cheerios. Sophia asked paul for some brownies so paul said sure and waited on the brownie line for quite a long time. He brought her the brownie and thought he was very nice for waiting on line for so long. Then she asked for some fruit punch. Paul looked around and around, until he realized there was no punch line.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? A miracle

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Ask me if I'm a human. Are you a human? Yes.

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How do you save someones life? Do not kill them.

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Why was the clown in red shoes wearing skis? Because he likes to ski in red shoes, and he's a clown

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2 gay men walked into a bar, The next day they want back to the bar, They went back on the third day but only 1 man came back out and he was in tears, This was because the other man had a cardiac arrest and died.

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Safety in numbers? Try telling that too six million Jews.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, some people are gay, and so are you

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What do you call two men having sex with Oprah? Group sex.

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Your momma's so not fat that when a school bus rolled by here house, she just sat there and turned on oprah.

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An invisible man sleeping in your bed! Who ya gunna call? Most likely the local police department to report the strange incident possibly brought on by lack of sleep. NOT Bill Murray.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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