What did the elephant say to the naked man? "Cute, cute, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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George Washington delivered a short speech to his troops before they crossed the delaware river. Here it is: "Get in the boat."

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How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One

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How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Dave. Dave, who? Dave, your neighbor, I ran out of eggs making a quiche, could I borrow a few?

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A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

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What did the man on the moon say? ...Im on the moon.

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Why did the black man across the road? just kidding he didnt make it across the road i hit him with my car

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21

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why did the chicken cross the road? because it had earlier escaped from its cage and had since began to wonder around the local town

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage?

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wanna hear a joke womens rights

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Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, This poem's cool. I ran over your dog.

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What type of person does a black guy go to when he's sick? The doctor

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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A paralyzed person walks into a bar.

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What did the underaged man say when he walked in the bar? He asked for a Coke.

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how did the farmer die? his dog shot him

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Your mom is so fat, that last night after reading and edition of Cosmo, she skipped dinner and cried herself to sleep due to her inability to live up to such an unrealistic feminine stereotype.

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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants. He is given some very strange looks from the patrons both due to the fact that he has a steering wheel in his pants and because people wearing traditional pirate garb are a rarity.

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? Love and attention from his parents.

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I've climbed through your window, I'm under your bed.

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Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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