Knock Knock Who's there? Luke Futie

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why is your Mom so ugly? She was born that way

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is one of the symtoms of clinical depression? Sadness.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

96

thumb_up thumb_down +9

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Jeff" "Jeff who?" "Jeff Johnson" "From the office?" "No I work at the dehli" "The one on 6th avenue?" "No, the one on Park." "What do you want?" "Could you open the door?" "No, I don't know you" "Isn't this Mr. Walter's house?" "No, my name is Roger Stevens" "I'm sorry I must be at the wrong house" "What address are you looking for?" "15322 N Gary street" "This is 15323 N Gary" "Oh I'm sorry" "Try knocking across the street" "Thank you"

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a black man who is great at basketball? An all-star

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

One game a Packers Player scored a touchdown and jumped into the stands. When everybody was touching him one girl put her hand on the inside of his thigh. He told the girl " If your hand goes a little higher you'll feel my touchdown spike."

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What happened to the boat that sank? Everyone on it died

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? The chicken was locked in a cage and the nearest intersection is about a mile away.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why is Adam saying numbers? He is a maths teacher.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who? Doctor Watson - I'm here to see your little sister who is currently terminally ill and every second is of vital importance. Therefore this exchange of words is only worsening the already terrible situation that we find ourselves in. Please open the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

your in court a woman police officer says anything you say can and will be held against you. the man replies titty

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why do you touch yourself at night? Because I do too

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Finding this website has distracted me and has taken up a large majority of my time.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If only i were a man! You not! Your a.... WO-MAN!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Billy and Jeff wanted to go on an adventure so they planned a safari in Africa. Everything was going as planned until they were in a sticky situation: whether to cross a narrow bridge above the crocodiles or not. Billy tells Jeff "Hey whats the worst thing that can happen?" Jeff was diagnosed with cancer and died the next morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

An alligator was found wearing a vest. The investigator had no comment... As alligators are incapable of speech. ^^^

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are red, violets are blue, if i gave a rats ass, I'd worry about you.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why is six afraid of seven? SE7EN!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops