Man walks into a bar, Has a few drinks and goes home.

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What do you get when you stab a six year old with a pair of scissors and a machete? A very angry, potentially murderous mother out for revenge.

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How do you know when a bag of chips is stale? It is past the expiration date.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have trouble understanding each other.

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How did the gay guy greet the other gay guy? Nice to meet you.

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Why couldn't the 10-year-old go to the moon? Because it's the Moo-oo-ooo... no you can't come!

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What's the fastest animal on earth? An Ethiopian chicken.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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what did the teacher say to the students when she was talking about the solar system The sun is very hot. At the core it is 15 million degrees Celsius or 27 million degrees Farenheit. Using a magnifying glass, we can see the very hot heat and the light of the sun. Please do not do that because it can hurt your eyes. This makes the light very bright and the heat is so hot it could start a fire.

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What do you call a homeless man in Beverly Hills? Charles, Someone who unfortunately had to drop out of school at a young age to work to support his dying mother. Hence, later in life, after his mother died, lacked the education to be enrolled in college forcing him to pimp to make enough money to eat and pay for the rent in his one bedroom appartment in his hometown-Mississippi. But times were tough in Mississippi and not many people could afford a whore. This forces him to go all the way to California where he found more people there were willing to pay for a whore. Business was good and soon enough he had enough money for a decent condo. But Charles still morned the death of his mother. Eventually he couldn't take the daily pressure of being a pimp and thought of his mothers death, so he turned to heroin. Soon all his money was fueling his addiction and before he knew it he was on the street, with no one to help him and no where's to go. Every night he goes to sleep on his cardboard box with the memory of his late mother in the back of his head. Sometimes Charles wonders what he could of been if he didn't drop out of school, but he knows that what he did was the right thing.

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Knock knock. Who's there? You're adopted.

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what did the left nut say to the right nut? The guy above us is a real dick huh?

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I've got some good news an some bad news. The good new is that you just won 10 million dollars! The bad news is I'm just kidding.

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So, a boy walks into a baker's shop and asks for a loaf of bread. The man says "do you want white or brown?" The boy says "oh, I don't mind, I've got my bike outside."

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What did the little boy get for Christmas? Nothing. He's Jewish.

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Why did the boy jump off a bridge? Because he saw it on tv

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What's the most wonderful time of the year? When your wife dies.

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What happens when you mix a platinum blond with a black kid? A young african-american child with un-naturally died hair.

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You see this dick stop being a spick now suck on my wee wee u prick

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What do you call a person who is 6 feet under? Lost.

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What"s pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.

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Poop

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Knock Knock, Who's There? Legolas They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!

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Why do bats fly in circles? They're mentally retarded.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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