Doctor: I bring grave news. Your wife is dying. She won't survive for another 100 years. Concerned and anguished Husband: Oh... that's ok! Doctor: Oh did I say years? I meant days! Oh the mirth! *The doctor breaks down into hysterical laughter, which the Concerned and Anguished Husband is furious to see, as the Doctor is taking delight out of such a grave situation.

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Ask me if I am a cat. Are you a cat? No, what kind of stupid question is that?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Somebody who wants to come in.

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The worst part of waking up, Is no Folgers in your cup.

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Why did the first squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure. Why did Bobby fall off his bike? He was hit by 4 squirrels Why did bobby die? He was hit by a bus

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Why did the little boy want to sleep with his parents in their bed on the only night in weeks they'd planned to have sex? His bedroom was on fire.

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What's more exiting than watching football Escaping through the underground railroad

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Why did the magician die when he tried to escape from the handcuffs underwater? Because he drowned and failed his magic trick.

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What's worse than being a ginger? Being a soulless ginger

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I've lost my electron!! Are you sure? Yes! I'm Positive!

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Not because she had no arms, but because she just had no hands.

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Im good at other things... ...like giving handshakes

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Queens Park rangers

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I don't know about anybody else, but I just watched a part of a My Little Pony episode, and there's something about them that makes you want to come back and watch more. It's wierd, like mind control. Has anyone noticed this?

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How do you stop a bus? throw a boy with an ice cream cone infront of the bus. but...come to think of it, that may not work. he might drop the ice cream on top of it >:l

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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Why did the clown go to jail? For 23 charges of rape and murder.

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-What did the snake say to the mouse? Nothing. Animals can't talk dumbass.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have alzheimer's, cheese on toast

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why was ej's penis hard? because he had just got done having fine exquisit sex which he had ejaculated with a sturn body builder name frank who he had been seeing for the past few months.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How do you get a black man out of his house? you ring the doorbell.

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I love my new microwave. It comes with a list that tells just how long to cook things. Now i know how long to cook a baby for

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What time is it when you run out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops