A man walks into a bar and shuffles his way through the intoxicated patrons. He finds the only open stool and quickly sits in it before any other see it. The bartender approaches him and ask: "What will it be?" The man replies: "Can I have a beer?"

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Roses are black Violets are black I lost my eyesight at two years old and all I see is black.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Tie her down and plant a bamboo seed under her.

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A blonde, a brunette and a red-head find a mirror with a message on it that says "Stand in front of the mirror and say something you think is true. If it is true, I'll grant you a wish. If it is wrong, you'll be sucked inside the mirror and be trapped there forever." The blonde, who is standing in front of the mirror, says "I think this is a stupid joke." and nothing happened.

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your mom is so fat she is at high risk of a future heart attack and should be taken to a cardiologist

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What do you call a million pigs jumping out of an aircraft? Bacon.

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Poop.

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What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug

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What is the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One you can smash with a hammer and the other is just a watermelon.

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How do you piss off a female archeologist? Kill her dog.

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Why don't you ever stick your hand into the bottom of the jelly bean jar? Cuz' the black ones will steal your watch

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Roses are shut the f*** up. Violets are shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up.

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What happened when my familys break on the car didn't work? They rolled down a hill and fell off a cliff and died. I loved them.

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Why did the housewife become a farmer? Because the kitchen was burned down in a horrific accident.

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kieran scott peels his off his foreskin while he watches hentai porn then he eats it afterwards, he is also on roids

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why couldn't the girl watch t.v? Because her house burned down

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Why did the chick cross the road? Because she's a gold digger homie, dat chick is greedy like a mofo. She be all up in your grill and sheit tryin' getchu to spend your money lik dat homie ditch dat hoe, she aint even worth it brotha.

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what do you get when you cross an African with a Rhinoceros? A rhinoceros.

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One time at band camp.............that's it........

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Q: What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree? A: Ten babies nailed to eleven trees.

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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a lion? A dead sheep.

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What is bloody and has two legs? Half of a cat.

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What did your father say before he died? Nothing, he's already dead

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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