Your dick is short, If we compare it to mine. That was it, Thank you for your time.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What do yoiuo call an Italian butler? A: Vinny

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Your mother is so overweight that she decided to have liposuction and then proceeded to live a wonderful life.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There are two muffins in an oven. One says nothing. Muffins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Want to hear a funny joke? Me too.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why didnt john feel like fis n chips? he had a bus stuck up his ars

thumb_up thumb_down +6

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Then the Atheist died a violent and terrible death.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q: What did the homeless man say when he was mauled by a bear? A: Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the podiatrist say to the proctologist? That athletes foot fungus is clearing up nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than 10 dead babies nailed to 10 trees? 1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the murder walk up to the lady in the car? It was his mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

- I was at my house last night - I was at your MOM'S house last night... I'm her neighbor, she was having trouble with her plumbing and I thought i should help out

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the black kid get for Christmas? Your bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the Japanese kid get for his birthday? Nothing, his gifts were washed away.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I AM SATAN, YOU SHALL LOVE ME BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE! YOU SHALL STONE THY INSOLENT CHILDREN! THY SHALL R*PE AND KILL IN MY NAME! YOU SHALL HANG MY SON ON THE CROSS WHICH I SACRIFICED BECAUSE HE IS IMMORTAL/BECAUSE I LOVE YOU? "Moral" "Man": Joke is on you, who do you think I am, God?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Henry threw it well.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Fine, just remember that I want to help you, but you cannot ask me for help, and then throw a shitstorm of accusations at me, I have never worked for the feds and never will, I know nothing about their code of operations nor... Anything really. Let me give you an advice, I know that at least two people you trusted deeply betrayed you, but if you are not going to trust anyone again, then leave point zero while you still can do so alive. And no babe, this is not a threat, its advice.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the pirate say when his parrot died? Nothing. He was upset and didn't really feel like talking.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you kill a fat guy Keep giving him food he'll die eventually.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call it because it isn't coming.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Last year my wife ran away with my best friend. I really miss him.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats worse than forgetting your first homework assignment of the new school year? Being hazed on the first day of school to the point where you seriously consider suicide

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a 2 storied house ? A dolphin! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops