You ask a German how long it takes to go from Berlin to Amsterdam. He replies, ''About four hours by tank."

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yo mamas so cruchy people might mistake her for a cheeto!

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Why did jack smell smoke in his neighborhood? His house burnt to the ground.

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A grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a drink. "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" exclaims the bartender. "You have a Melanoplus Differentialis?" asks the grasshopper. "Yes."

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what do you get when you combine an astronaut, a microwave and a bathtub? A suicide investigation

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What the last thing that went through Osama's mind? A bullet

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What's the difference between Justin Beiber and a horrible singer? Nothing.

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What kind of "room" can you not enter? One with a locked door.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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knock knock WHO'S THERE?! ARE YOU A SEX CRIMINAL?! NO ONE WANTS TO DO THAT TO YOU MUM!

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Yo mama's so ugly, one day she looked in the mirror and her face was a wreck. Later that day she committed suicide.

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What do you call it when a multiple personality disorder person masturbates? Rape.

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What did the apple say to the other apple? Nothing, apples are fruits and cannot talk

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Batman and Robin are about to get into the Batmobile. What does Batman say? "Get in the car Robin."

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What happens when you cross a Mexican and a Chinese man? A multiracial man.

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Why'd Sally fall of the swing? Sally's a fish.

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you: Why did the chicken cross the road? them: "To get to the other side...?" you: Oh! *stare*

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Holy guacamole Pineapples

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2 pilots rowed a boat across the desert. How long did it take to reach the moon? Answer: Purple because chickens don't use magic.

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I was approached the other day by an officer as he asked... "Son where are your parents?" I replied, "I dont know i'm an orphan" The officer then laughed and walked away

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What did paul say to bill? "Hi, I'm Paul"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? I was asking you...

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Q: whats the differences between a bra and the canucks?? A: a bra has two cups

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whate white and cant climb trees? powdered sugar

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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