What Mary short for? Due to the fact she has no legs, on account of the flesh eating she contracted after a visit to argentina thanks to the make-a-wish foundation. Mary also has cancer

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three men walk into a bar. they are immediately rushed to urgent care due to blunt force trauma

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What did the old man get for Christmas? He forgot because he has alzheimer's

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

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How do you name a beast who eat rocks and fly. rock-eater flying beast

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What did Justin Bieber get for Christmas? An iPod Touch and a few nice sweaters.

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Do you know the joke about the two guys who went to Paris ? Me neither.

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Wizard: If you could get any one thing in the world, what would it be son? Son: Another father that grants more wishes.

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I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

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What's the quickest way to a person's heart? A knife

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What is white and when it falls, your fridge is broken? Your fridge.

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What was the joke about that woman with altsimers again? Ironically I forgot.

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If you are a girl reading this! why did you stop making some food?

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Why was Johnny so sad His father beat his mother

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There are 2 muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Damn, it's getting hot in here." The other muffing replies "Holy Shit! A Talking Muffin!"

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Why Do Indians Not Like Snow? Because it is white and on their land

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Who did sally vote for in 1920 Nobody woman couldnt vote until 1928

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Q. How do you punish Helen Keller? A. Rearrange the furniture in her room

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Why did the rabbit cross the road? I don't know, I was asking you.

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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

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OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"

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I walked in on my daughter masturbating. The whole ordeal was very uncomfortable, but I sat her down at the dining table to discreetly explain the necessity of locking doors.

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What is small, naked and covered in sperm My son

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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