What happened to all of the happy birds flying over the field? They were all suddenly stricken by the bird flu and died.

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Why didn't the cat eat its supper? It was dead.

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Why do people poke people on facebook? Because they have no friends and will die alone

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Why did hundreds ofnpeople die in a plane crash? Because the pilot was a salad.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What is brown and sticky? A Stick

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What did your mom say when Quinn Griffith Randel walked in the door? Hi.

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Christopher Walken steps into a bar.

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69 cents for a rainbow donut shaped as a 69....

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What did the squirrel say to the dog? "I have AIDS."

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why did the blonde get caught shop lifting? she wasnt a very good theif

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How many nipples are on a raccoon ? I don't raccoono

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Q. What did Nelson say to his men before they boarded ship? A. "Board ship men"

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Why Was 6 Afraid of 7? Because 7 was a Pedophile

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Why did the man starve to death? He had no food.

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Roses are red, violets are blue you may not know this but I'm falling for you . <3

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Ask me if I´m an orange. Are you an orange? No I? a person.

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roses are red, windows are clear, get off your ass and bring me a beer

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whats annoying and won't go away?. Aids.

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Did you hear about the new brand of shovel? Yeah, it's pretty groundbreaking.

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why did the geman man hit the jewish man? because the jewish man swung a punch at the german man so it was an act of self defense.

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why cant women draw perfect circles? no one can becouse it is virtually impossible

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So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

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A group of black people are arrested for murder, what do you need? A better prison.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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