How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? Spray paint it blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Do you know what's the difference between a bicycle and a black man? A bicycle is an object and a black man is a human being.

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Well it's not going to happen so I don't see the point in giving this a name.

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? Hit him with an axe

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, it's really nice.

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If Chuck Norris has $5 and you have $5, you both have the same amount of money

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You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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Knock knock Who's there? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

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How do you stop a black person from drowning? You toss him a flotation device.

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Knock, knock. Come in!

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Why is The stop sign bent? Because a ambulance full of sick kids hit it.

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with Macaulay Culkin? Because he's dead.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, So what is the colour violet for?

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What happened when the football player couldn't get his Coke from the vending machine? He got angry.

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What moos like a cow? Another cow

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A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got into the car? Robin, get in the car.

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If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic.

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A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling. "I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said. So he found some berries, but spit them out. "These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said. He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees. "That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said. He then stumbled upon a cabin. "I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered. The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

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Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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