Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

So, a man walks into a bar. Suddenly, the universe around him cracks, unable to sustain the weight of infinite potential punchlines. He tumbles through an empty void amongst shards of his broken reality.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man named Chuck walks into a bar. One of the patrons says, "Oh my god! You're Walker, Texas Ranger!" Chuck replies, "No, that's Chuck Norris. I'm Chuck Connors. I played the Rifleman." The man replies, "Wait, aren't you dead?"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats the difference between a bong and a nigger? My bong works

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Its a sunny day. There's a tree and a bird. What did they say to each other? --------------------------------------------------- Nothing they can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I jizzed in my pants. It tasted good

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Don't tell anyone, the Health Department is already on our backs.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: Why did the little boy who just got over a terrible sore throat fall down the stairs? A: His legs were brutally torn off by wolves.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Anna Nicole Smith? Mike Tyson's not dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and one in the evening? A dog that plays in traffic all day.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? Pizza is not human, Jewish people are.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats worse than blue balls? Green Balls.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Knock Knock! Oh god Johnny, someones at the door! Hide the heroin and bail man, BAIL!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What is the different on a black guy and a bicycle ? The black guy steals the bicycle, but the bicycle dont steal the black guy. Yes, my bike got stolen ...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

So a horse walks into a bar, oh wait Sarah Jessica Parker

thumb_up thumb_down -25

two muffins are in an oven. 30 min. later i ate a delicious treat.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the goose say to the other goose? Honk!

thumb_up thumb_down

Two sausages were in a pan. One says "Wow it's hot in here!" the other says "OH MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE"

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Question: What do you call a Black person who cooks food at a fried chicken restaurant? Answer: A chef

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A special needs student walks into a girls change room, and is then escorted out unaware that what he did was socially unacceptable.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well I'll tell you. He was happily gliding down the sidewalk when he realized that his destination was across the road. He then proceeds to take In his surroundings . He finds that there is no indication telling him to stop so he then cautiously walks across the road watching for any dangerous movement. He safely makes it across and proceeds to his destination which is the slaughtering house. He is a retarded chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops