Why can't Abraham Lincoln tell a lie? Because he's dead.

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Q: what's the difference between a young, geeky kid living in Wisconsin's basketball and Yao Ming's basketball? A: young, geeky kids cannot live in Wisconsin's basketball. Wisconsin is a state, and states cannot own objects because they aren't sentient beings. And Yao Ming's basketball... is just a regular basketball that happens to be owned by Yao Ming.

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What's the square root of four? Two.

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

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what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? were both lawyer's.

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What happens when you put Michael Jackson in a room full of little boys? The 3 year-old rotting corpse of Michael Jackson and a room full of traumatized little boys.

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What looks red and smells like barf? Depends on how you look at the situation.

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Knock Knock? Who's their. M. M who? Me.

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What's red bubbly and spins around? A baby in a microwave

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I have this friend named Rachel, so I call her Rachel.

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how do you make a mailman mad? you sleep with his wife

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Why did the blond girl get fired from the M&M Factory. Becouse she removed all the W's

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What is striped black and white? A prisoner in jail arrested for the murder and rape of a 7 year old child.

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Knock, knock Who's there? Not your dead Nan

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Wanna hear a joke? Woman's rights.

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Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

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Feel free to call me, forget the money, as for my fucking eye, I just sure as hell hope those responsible are rotting in prison. I mean I just lost an eye right? Just kidding, I am the one who has been dead wrong here, I judged you wrong, I am the fuck that seems to feel responsible for the actions of others at times, then again I thought that you where sending them against me, they surely claimed they where, but fuck, people use all sorts of things and people as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want.

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Why were little Suzie's parents crying? Suzie was kidnapped by Al Qeada

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What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

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what is the diference between my left tit and my right tit .... my right one was cut off because of breast cancer

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What's blue and smells like sky? Sky

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Seth stock has a large penis

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What's worse than dropping a dollar down the drain? Getting your nipple ripped off by a pair of pliers

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what time does the japanese guy go to the dentist? well his appointment was for 11:30, so he might show up approximately 5 minutes prior to the appointment time, just to make sure everything goes steadily as planned

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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