Why didn't the man eat the carrots? Because he was a vegetarian.

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How do you make someone stop talking? Shove a rock down their throat.

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What has wings, is bald, and can't fly? A bald eagle. I lied about the part where it can't fly.

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A man is lonely and calls a hooker. She goes to his house, pleasures him, and then demands 42 million dollars. The man shoots the whore and throws her body into a river.

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There are only three kinds of math teachers: teachers that can count and teachers that can't count

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Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

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a fat man walks into a bar and gets laughed at because his shoes are untied

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Why were the Jews stuck in Germany? Because Joseph Rosenstein and his Jewish family missed their train out of Frankfurt to go to Paris, and so they had to stay another night in their hotel.

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whats worse than getting ran over by a car seeing your mum having sex

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Why was the boy un-able to talk He was retarded

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What happened to the guy who bought a nice, brand new, plasma screen t.v.? He hanged himself.

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What's hard and orange on the outside, and squidgy in the middle? A tanned man's head

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Why did the little boy run away from Michael Jackson? Because he was scared

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Q: Why did the man eat the banana? A: Cuz he was hungry!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was taken to a factory where it was butchered, processed and eventually fed to America.

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What is the first letter of the alphabet? A. a B. 7 C. Mustard gas D. Because a penguin has 2 legs

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What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf man? Neither did he.

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What did the dog say to the house? Roof

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Three women are sitting in a bar. One is drinking beer, one is drinking wine and one is drinking vodka. Which one is the widow? The one whose husband is dead.

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What did Susie get for Christmas? AIDS.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How many Haitians does it take to change a lightbulb? Typically one, unless the light bulb referenced is in an inconvenient location or is over-sized / industrial grade.

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What's black and blue and lives in a kitchen? A 1940's housewife.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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