Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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What is big, red, and beats rocks? A big, red, rock beater.

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

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If you are riding on a broomstick and it breaks in the middle of the ocean... How many pieces of toast does it take to fill a light house? Purple, because Oranges cannot fly.

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Why was little Alice and her family at the graveyard? Well someone had to come at her funeral...

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This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

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A black man, hispanic man, and white man walk in to a bar. They are all friends. They enjoy a few beers together then call a taxi to take them home because it is irresponsible to operate a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

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a dyslexic man can't spell a word, don't judge him

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Why didnt little jimmy have a funeral? Because he is still at the bottom of the lake where I put him.

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Why was the little boy crying? Well first off he is adopted. He then woke up and found out his pop star dad is dead. ..... His name is blinket.

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Yo mama's so old, she might die soon

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Q: What does the fox say? A: Nothing. Foxes cannot talk.

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Why are black people good at basketball? While there are many preternaturally gifted black men and women in professional basketball, the notion that one race holds sway over the others in terms of sheer skill and talent is a ridiculous stereotype; propagated, no doubt, by both ignorant and jealous persons of other colors.

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Q: why did the train not make it to the station? A: it crashed and killed everybody on board.

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What do snowmen eat for lunch? Snowmen don't eat, they're inanimate balls of of solid precipitation with rocks for smiles and eyes and carrots for noses.

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What has four legs one head but only one foot? A dog that was born with physical deformities.

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knock knock. who's there? Kony. Kony who? Kony says:" Uganda be abducted"

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How did the chicken cross the road? By foot.

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Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? Repeated absences and stealing.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Why was the little boy late to school Cause he walked on a landmine

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A platypus walks into a bar. They are the only mammals with the ability to lay an egg.

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Knock-Knock Who's there? A giant spider-like insect that lays eggs in your brain which turn into larvae that drop down onto your tongue and eat your teeth slowly, then form a cocoon and turn into the spider-like insect spoken of previously. You then wake up from this terrible nightmare and get ready for your well paying job.

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what do u call a blonde in the libary? alexandra wallace

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops