What did the boy with no parents get for Christmas from his Grampa? Nothing because his Grampa had alzheimer's disease -Flap

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A blonde runs into her house. She died in a tragic backdraft fire. Always check to see if the doorknob is warm.

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I've got a shotgun with two bullets. I've got two enemies. What do I do with the gun? Go bird hunting.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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ask me if i have a place to call home> 'have you a place to call home?' no im sad and lonely.

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What did the Catholic Priest say to the little boy? May God be with you.

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Why did the bartender kick out the three jews at midnight? Because the bar closes at 11.

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Wanna hear a joke? Womens' rights

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

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What's funnier than the world ending? Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder in a staring contest.

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what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm ? finding a half worm.

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how does wasabi stay open during summer because tiffany is a nice person

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Why don't they have any badminton courts in the jungle? There just isn't the demand.

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A guy walked up to me and said "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam." I promptly informed the authorities. He was transported to a mental institution and I later learned that he swallowed his own tongue and died. Nobody attended his funeral.

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A: Knock, knock. B: Who's there? The writer of this joke had no idea how to end this.

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What happens when you murder someone? The Government murders you.

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Your momma's so fat...

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What did the Brontosaurus say to the Triceratops? Nothing. Neither of them have ever existed.

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My mom caught me masturbating.

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Q:Whats Brown and sticky? A:Maple Syrup

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What did the pirate say when his parrot died? Nothing. He was upset and didn't really feel like talking.

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What is the worst part of a 4 blacks hanging from a tree? They were only children

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Why did the frog cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops