What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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a women picks up her phone and screams! There were 3 missed calls from her mother-inlaw

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

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A dad is very proud of his son for just having graduated preschool. he tells him son, ill get you anything you want. he says i want a pink pingpong ball. the dad is confused but he does it anyway. the next year, he graduates kindergarten. the dad asks the same question. the son this time says i want 10 pink pingpong balls. so the dad, very confused, does it. 5 years later, he graduates elementary school. this time he says 100 pink pingpong balls. high school the dad says cmon your going to college ANYTHING! A CAR? A HOUSE? no i want 1,000 pink pingpong balls. the kid then goes to college and 4 years later and majors in african relief. the dad is very proud but he says. lemme guess? 10,000 pink ping pong balls? YEP. the kid goes to africa to help out because he's a good person. he then meets his wife helping out there also. they get married and the dad flies out to africa to see the wedding. he then knows that he needs 100,000 pink pingpong balls shipped in. the dad goes back to the US and 9 months later finds out that he is a grandfather. he ships 1,000,000 pink ping pong balls into africa. a few years later he finds out that his son contracted a rare african disease and is going to die very soon. now the father is deeply in debt from all the ping pong balls, so his community helps him raise money to go to africa. he meets his son on his death bed. and they talk for a long time. the dad finally says. yknow son i really need to ask you, why did you ask for all those ping pong balls? the son says: "Well dad, I--" and then he dies

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If you die, and have 5 cents in your pocket, does the toast still land jelly side down?

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guys stop with the jewish jokes anne frainkly its getting old

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there are rumors about monkeys liking bananas but that is a common misconception because if you take bananas divided by elephant times chalkboards you find that they like 0.9 lead from pencils that is aged from 1927

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what do you get when you cross an ant with toni? ANTONI

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What do you call a kid with no friends? ....a Sandy Hook survivor

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Q:why did jimmy fall of a swing? A:Because someone threw a fridge at him

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How many jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and a thousand in the ash tray.

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whats worse then being a jew now? being a jew in 1942

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whats pink, brown, and smells like a banana. monkey vomit?

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What do you call a Mexican jumping fences? A really good athlete.

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There is a white man, a black guy, and an Asian in a car. It got into an accident who did it? Asian dude

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how do you kill chuck norris? you dont, killing is illegal

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There are two types of people in this world, those that can't count

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how do you put a elephant in a fridge? open it and put it inside. how do you put a lion in a frige? you take out the elephant and put in the lion. there is a meeting for all the animals in the world which animal doesnt go? the lion because he's in the fridge. a man callshis dog and it doesnt come why not? because its at the meeting

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What the diffrence between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven

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guess how...chicken pow! guess who...chicken poo! guess when...chicken pen! guess where...chicken hair! guess what...your adopted.

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What do you call a deaf man? It would be unwise to call him anything, as he would have difficulty hearing you.

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What's green and has wheels? grass... i lied about the wheels

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Hey i just met you. and this is crazy. I sent you my pubes in an envelope.

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Are you a human?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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