A mormon walks into a bar. The Bartender says "What can I get you" The Mormon says "Sparkling Water please. In my religion we don't drink alcohol."

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? A. Matt

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the fried chicken restaurant... BAWK BAWK cannibal

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness. Oh come on in, I would love to learn more about your religion.

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Chuck Norris farted and... several people looked around uncomfortably, not knowing how to react to the embarrassing situation.

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a man walks into a gay bar. he was gay.

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Why did the little boy die? Because he had cancer.

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I had a joke about a tie, but it wasn't funny.

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What was the last song those aboard the Titanic sang? "Staying alive"

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roses are red violets are blue I'm ADHD oh look, a squirrel

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Q: What's long, hard, and full of sea men? A: A submarine.

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An old jewish man, an irish man, and a young mexican woman in her mid 20's are on an island. They eventually become hungry to a extremely ravishing extent. The jew cries out: "I can't take the thought of consuming man, because I am only allowed to consume kosher" The Mexican says: "Alright" The Irishman says: "O.K. Until then lets head over to Timilio's... I hear they are a fine establishment and also serve Kosher meals."

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Why are video games fun? To get a mushy brain :P

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What do you get when an elephant and a pig have baby? Nothing, mating between animals must take place between animals of the same species, thus making it impossible to cross these two animals

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What's the difference between difference and between? One is different and the other between.

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Why does jim never go to McDonalds? his wife got shot there.

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kiss me?

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

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Rose is Red Violet Blew Mustard is in Clue … What about Moni-… ahhh my eye!

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3 guys walk into a bar. The fourth guy ducks.

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A man fell off a cliff... He died a vicious death.

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What do you get when you cross a donkey and a hemophiliac? A bleeding ass!

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're adopted and Santa Claus isn't real

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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