Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, No Professionals."

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Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was probably a cold day.

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What happened when the prisoner dropped the soap? He picked it up.

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Red." "Red who?" "Red any good books lately?" Suddenly, the séance lost credibility.

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What do you say to a cat with a helmet on? Silly cat, you rhyme with hat but you shouldn't wear one.

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What did the mother of the boy with cancer say on his birthday? - Happy Birthday, too bad you still have cancer.

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What did the man with Alzheimer's get for Christmas? Happy New Year!

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Debating on internet is like competing in the paralympics, even if you win you're still retarded

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You know what rhymes with sloth? Rape.

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Your argument is invalid, but I will allow you your opinion nonetheless.

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Hey buddy what's up? I justed wanted to know if you wanted to hang out tonight. Just call me and tell me what you wanna do. Ok that's it see ya. Oh yeah! I gave your mom an STD...sorry dude...it just happened. I hope your dad isn't mad. Again, really sorry. Ok bye.

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What did the Jew say to the black guy? Hey whatsup?

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A gay Asian guy walks into a gay bar where he found a fruity looking black man... The Asian went up to the black man and said, " how'r they hanging?" shocked with anger, the black man hits him in the face, knocks him to the ground and said, " YOU DO NOT TALK TO MY FAMILY THAT WAY. BOTH MY GRANPARENTS WERE LYNCHED!!!" the Asian stands up and brushes himself off... He turns to the black guy and says " I meant the balance scale at the table you were were sitting at" the black fellow turns to the table with the notebook and the balance scale with rocks on both sides that he was sitting at... He turns back to the Asian man and apologizes for his rude behavior and buys him a drink... (2 hours later) they have sex

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Whats 2 Plus 2? God Just Solve It.

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Why did the Chicken become a medium? To talk to the other side.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is something I love to eat, the other is a watermelon.

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Why did Hitler like his steak well done? Because like many people, he didn't like the sight of blood in his steaks.

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I have a dig bick You that read wrong You read that wrong too You read that again to make sure I'm not fucking with you

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Why did the blond laugh at work? Because she farted. It was rather uncomfortable for everyone involved.

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Q: What's brown and rhymes with snoop? A: Dr. Dre

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What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

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why did the window washer lose his job. because he fell off and died.

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How many men does it take to screw a light bulb? One, men will screw anything.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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