An alien just ate your family and all of the things you love

thumb_up thumb_down -6

An astronaut walks into a bar. He orders a beer. After waiting for about 1 and a half minutes he receives his beer. The bartender says it was 3 dollars. The astronaut checks his wallet and finds no money so he pays with credit card. The bartender swipes his credit card but the card doesn't work. So the astronaut takes out his debit card. When the bartender swipes the debit card it worked. In relief the astronaut looks at the bartender and says "Thank you" and then goes home.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the little boy rush downstairs to the living room on Christmas morning? because he heard his mother screaming rape.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense

thumb_up thumb_down +38

It's a man's 100th birthday, and as one of his last wishes he wants to go skydiving. Unfortunately, due to his crippling arthritis, he was unable to pull the rip cord on his parachute and plummeted to his death.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What's the difference between a leopard and a jaguar ? The rabbit flies faster, while the pigeon can breathe underwater.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How many pairs of jordans does your dad have? None, he lost both his legs in vietnam.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

roses are red violets are blue daffodils are yellow pansies are pink

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What happened to the Jew with a boner that ran into a wall? He broke his nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living? He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? when you slap a mosquito it stops sucking:)

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: why'd the monkey fall out of the tree A: because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A Terrorist walks into an airport. - He then blows himself up.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

what the hell happened to your face

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why? Why Not?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

what is the best way to start a car? put in the key and turn it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What has two legs? Half a cat

thumb_up thumb_down +22

There are 3 guys, a fat guy, a skinny guy, and sexy guy. They all work together and have lunch together. The fat guy opens his bag and eats a ham and turkey sandwich. The skinny guy opens his bag and eats a tuna sandwich. The sexy guy opens his bag and eats an egg sandwich. The fat guy finishes his meal. The skinny guy saves half for later. The sexy guy ate more than half of his food. A genie magically appears. The End

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Your mom is such a big whore that she sleeps with your dad.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's the most racist thing ever... Manhattan

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops