How many fingers am I holding up? None, my fingers were blown off by a hand grenade.

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What's long, hard, and contains semen? A submarine.

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if u dislike this u r most likely depressed

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What's black, white and red all over? A nun that fell down a flight of stairs

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Q: What can a bench do that a mexican can't? A: Support a family.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah!

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Womens Rights. Excist in nearly every country on Earth today.

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A woman has sex with an Asian man, then a white man, and then a black man. She chooses to be in a relationship with the black man because he is prepared for the responsibilities of a relationship and the other two men, though both are well endowed, are not ready.

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patient: Doctor, It hurts when I go like this. doctor: Don't do that.

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Why did Sam have no friends? Because he was dead.

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What did the father tell his son who was caught stealing from the teacher? --The father didn't say anything because he walked out on his family when the children were born.

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Why did Hunter cross the road? No one cares, unless he gets hit.

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A priest, rabbi, and mormon are arguing about which religion is best. A zookeeper hears and says, "I have a bear who is sleeping right now. How about whoever converts the bear belongs to the best religion?" The priest goes in first, and then walks out a few minutes later, unharmed. The mormon does the same, and he too exits unscathed. The rabbi goes in, and walks out covered in claw marks. "How'd it go?" Said the zookeeper. "Easy." Said the priest. "I just sprinkled some Holy water on him." "I did the same." Said the mormon. The rabbi looked at the zookeeper and said, "have you ever tried to circumcise a bear?"

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Why did my phone crack? I dropped it.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Suicide.

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Two ducks are in a bathtub. One duck says, "Hey, pass me the soap." The other duck says, "What do I look like, a type writer?"

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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What's worse than a snake in your boot. A boot in your snake.

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How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail it to the ground

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple this joke.

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what do you call it when a leopard starts losing its spots? leopard-osy! submitted by: pukey mcshakes

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Q: How many Jews can u fit in a bathtub? A: Well it depends if you use their ashes.

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How are friends like bananas? If you peel off their skin and eat them, they die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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