Your mother is so fat that when she passes in front of the tv, I lose 3 seasons of the series

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Ask me if I'm a car. Are you a car¿ Yes¡

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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why did the boy drop the ball. he was shot in the head.

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Por que não passa Globo Esporte na Etiópia? Porque a Rede Globo não tem afiliadas por lá.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Before you sneeze Say PIK-Achoo

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Whats gets stiff when you have sex with it? A dead body.

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what do you get when a penguin has a heart atack pengatack

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What's the difference between a white person and a chair? -The chair isn't a complete douche.

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Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea? No one, its physically impossible to live in a fruit and breathe under water

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what do you call a half dead black person crawling across your lawn..............................stop laughing and reload

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What do you do if you walk outside and see your t.v. floating in the lawn in the middle of the night? Go back inside.

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Why are women bad drivers? -There are no roads in between the bedroom and the kitchen.

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Why did the orange cross half way across the road Because it ran out of juice

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how many jews does it take for me to be able to have sex with my cousin's girlfriend? idk, but that's how many I need. actually let me have some extras. couldn't hurt.

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Guy One: Guess what? Guy Two: What? Guy One: I don't know, that's why I asked you.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your a slut

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what do you do when you see a injured black man screaming in pain rolling on the ground assist him or call 911 depending how severe the injury is

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A Jew walks into a furnace.. The bartender says "What'll you have?" The Jew wonders why there is a bartender in this furnace, then they die.

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What's stupid a light bulb.

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An abortionist secretly fancies himself pro life, with reservations. Overwhelmed, and utterly fed up, with the burden of carrying on the family business, he aborts himself. Although he was only 46, his frail mother was nevertheless proud of his decision to succeed where she had failed 46 years ealier.

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What's worse than stepping on legos? Massive genocide

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Why am I writing this? Cuz I am eating babies alive right now!

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I have a black friend that recently went to the doctor for a full checkup. I saw him today, and he we was dressed to the nines in a very expensive suit. "What's with the suit," I asked. "My doctor told me I'm impotent! So I thought, if I'm going to be impotent, then it'll be harder to attract a long term mate without the ability to give her children someday. So I've decided to showcase my impeccable taste in style to make up for it." He seemed really bummed out, so I gave him a hug and we went and had some ice cream.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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