What do you call a cow that is lying on a barn floor? A cow

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Whats black and white and musty? A nuns pussy because it never gets used.

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Whats green and has wheels? A Rednecks front lawn.

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What do you do if you see a Mexican riding a bike? Say "Hello." It is polite.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had Alzheimers and forgot that he lived on the other side of the street.

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You the same as before? I am being a bit overly cautious I admit that, I would call you, the problem is that while you are either pretty good at pretending to be innocent and all, or actually pretty down to earth, I mean I would probably applaud you for tricking me into believing you are pretty sweet before, but I got my wife and her family to take care off now, its not quite the same getting stabbed in the back anymore,

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what do you say to a black man with a Porsche? "hey man, i like your car."

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INSULT- You've got a photographic memory, but the lens cap is on. INSULT- Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic INSULT- I heard you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. From- Insults and Putdowns lite

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So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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Knock knock. Is someone there?

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-What did the duck say to Federico Costa nearby the phonebox in a rainy day? -Quack

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why did the woman leave her husband? after years of mental and physical abuse she has decided to remove herself from the situation

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Why do people always walk so slow when your in a rush to get somewhere? They don't it just seems like that

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -John. -Hey John, come on in.

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I like my women like i like my coffee... with big titis

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There's this traveling merchant from Flint, MI. He goes door to door trying to sell shampoo. He is having a lot of trouble selling shampoo in Flint because they were hit hard during the recession and now ahve trouble affording even the most seemingly cheap products.

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Knock Knock Business Man: Who's There? Al Qeada Business Man: Al Qeada who? Al Qeada is flying an airplane into your building Then a commercial airplane flew into the oddly placed door on the 95th floor of the North Tower. That's how 9/11 happened. Have a nice day.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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Why did the boy show off his ps4? Because his mom was rapped and murdered And his dad molested him when he was younger

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passenger seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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Q: what's green and fluffy? A: green fluff

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A dyslexic woman wears a bar.

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A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim walk into a bar. A good time was had by all, until closing time.

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What do you call a man hit by a bus? Dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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