Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the man with one arm get for Christmas? A benchpress

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the difference between a plum and a bunny? They're both purple. Except the bunny.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

what do you call Mackenzie Phillips? five head

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm ? finding a half worm.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a room with a white man a black man and a hot pocket? A reasonable meal

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is you problem!? Im retarded, what is your problem?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

To men walk into a bar. One says to a paying customer, "Mind if I sit here?" and the other man inquires the bartender about so.e fancy drink that takes five minutes to prepare. After 23 minutes, naturally, they left at exactly the same time and they went home to their wife and kids. They both share a wife and kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

whats fun,atracks children and says wrape van on it my van i lied about it being fun

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Excuse me sir, do you know where I can find the restroom? I don't know, I'm sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what do mexicans cross? whatever they want. but in this case their local grocery store parking lot to buy fresh produce.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why was the blond so easy,because ALL blonds are whores.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

When geese migrate, why is one side of the V longer than the other? There are more birds on that side.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I was relaxing on the beach today when a fat bird came over and said, "Would you rub this lotion into my back please?" "I'm afraid I'm only here for the day," I replied.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the monkey fall out the tree? Cause its dead!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

whats red and black and green all over? a paint job gone bad

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's worse than knowing you have Hepititis C? Not knowing.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

The other day I was talking to this guy... Nice guy

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One. This task does not require over 1 person to complete.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q. How did the blind man cross the road A. By an abmulance which took him to the hospital because his first attempt to cross was unsuccessful and the hospital was conventeintly located on the other side of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What is worse than the Holocost? Keeping the Jews alive.

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops