when i walk in the living room this is what i see... Luci's big eyes are stairing at me! (Luci is a dog) (Pita is a cat) I start a hissing and a scratchin and i ain't affrid to bite her, bite her, bite her, I"M PITA AND I KNOW IT!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +46

a man walked into a bar he had no recollection of entering the bar so he exited the bar

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what is white and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting a girl pregnant.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Mary had a little lamb... that's what she gets for having intercourse with the farm animals.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Nero I know I am being a selffish bastard, but please let me speak with you for ten more minutes or so, I am sorry but its like part of me do not believe its you, we all saw your corpse, attended your funeral, please stick with me, I just feel flustered vulnerable and stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Did i just hear a joke about birds? No? Well this is Hawkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Up High. *high fives* In The Middle *high fives* Down Low *high fives* In the Grass *high fives* You've been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I remember my days you know in the army, agfanifuckingstan, got dirty water, then spent a week shitting... Anyway, I was holding a grenade right? And then two of them came around and I was like "here come good boy! GOOOD BOY! Catch the ball!" And then I pulled the pin and threw it. Aww shut up, you are all like "YOU SOLDIER KILL PUPPIES!" NO THOSE WHERE KIDS! And they would have been like 15 today and been killing your men today! YOU ARE SO FUCKING WELCOME!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call the man with no arms and no legs? Jeff. Because that's his ****ing name.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

My pet rock died.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red violets are blue I can't rhyme fridge

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock Knock Who's there (five gunshots)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

You tie a noose around your neck, you jump off a cliff and before you hit the ground you shoot yourself in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Ham and Cheese!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When is a bus not a bus? When it turns into a street

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Who is buried in Grant's Tomb? DeShawn

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Another cat joke. You gotta be kitten me.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's pink and smells like a red rose? A pink rose.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A priest and a rabbi are playing golf one weekend. The priest tees off first. When the rabbi steps up to tee off, it begins to rain heavily. Dismayed, the rabbi says, "I thought it there was only a 10% chance of rain today."

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Guy 1 : "I like your hat." Guy 2: "That's my hair, you moron."

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why did the dog chase the cat? because the cat chased the dog first.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops