Two doctors were performing open heart surgery on a 54-year old woman. The surgery was a success, and she is now living comfortably in Portland, OR. She enjoys sweet tea.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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What did one Teacher say to the other teacher? Nothing. The first teacher has a horrible drinking habbit which is getting out of hand, He beats his wife and children each night after his drinks at the bar. His parents have stopped all contact and he found some divorce papers in his wifes draw, also saying she would be getting full costudy of the children. He has lost the majority of his friends and didnt want to loose another one, and kept his problems to himself.

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doctor: hey u ready to get home person: yea doctor: that sucks cause u have cancer

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Why did the butcher have blood on his hands? He murdered his daughter.

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How am I supposed to eat soup without an envelope?

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Jesus Christ dude. Wait, aren't you Jewish?

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The cast of the 'Jersey Shore' is the worst thing to happen to the Jersey shore

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what didn't I do when making this joke? Read and agree to the terms of service.

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i need teepee for my bunghole! jlr

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A Catholic priest has the choice between spending an hour with a young girl or a young boy. Which does he choose? Neither because that's illegal and completely immoral for a priest.

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What did Siri say to Cortana? Nothing. Someone has to say something in order to activate either one of the voice recognition devices.

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What did George Washington tell his men before they got on their horses? Men get on your horses.

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What did chad do when his friends came over? I'm not much of a fiction man personally.

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Why cant women drive? Actually, they can

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Three guys walk in to a bar. One got a concussion.

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An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

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Sorry, I need to take care of business up here, it is for the best that we do not communicate for a while, suspicions are going to be flaring up all over the place You better keep your head low, the place with the code-name "The Kings Throne" was under attack, but as you might know, its not what it used to be, you should all leave Point Zero in 3-4 hours when the dust has settled. Personally I suspect it is someone from the past, yes rivals, but according to the information nobody that knows who "The Nero" is, so as you can already tell, you and I are in equal danger until this is resolved. I promise to call you someday

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Why did the farmer name his pig "ink"? He had a terrible case of dementia.

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Q: Why did Grandma fall down the stairs? A: Because she had a brain hammerage

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A man walks into a bar, then he leaves and goes home

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What is black white and red all over A tree in black, white, and red paint.

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What is the Hardest part of helping a grandma who has having trouble crossing the road? Picking the gravel out of the wrinkles in her knees.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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