What do you call a fish with no I Defected at birth

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How did Jimmy lose seven pounds? I killed him.

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What did Justin Bieber say when he felt funny? Wheres my tampon

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Why did the taxi driver kill the blond? He didn't. It's illegal to murder people in most countries.

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Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Why did billy fall off the sea-saw Because he got kicked in the throat

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Why did the man pull out his chainsaw? To get rid of a tree in his front yard.

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Guy 1: Where's your dog Guy 2: I Dunno Guy 1: I ate it

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What does a casino have in common with a woman liqur in the front, and poker in the back

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Your mama is so poor that she is on welfare, but she is ashamed to tell you and cries herself to sleep every night.

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Did you hear about the Polish couple taking selfies while on vacation in Portugal? They fell off a cliff and died in front of their children. True story.

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ah-ah. the proper response to an anti joke.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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How can you make a little boy tell the truth? Threaten to murder his family.

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How are Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga similar? They are both men except Justin Beiber

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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What is yellow, has wheels, and lies on its back? A school bus in a terrible accident.

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When life gives you lemons make lemonade, when life gives you apples make apple juice, when life gives you cranberries make cranberrie juice and then when live gives you mangos, Eat them :)

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What did the mouse say to the elephant? Squeak.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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how many pancakes does it take to build a dog house? none boats don't have wheels.

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Why wasn't Fred invited to he party? Because he's been dead for five years

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I am dyslexic

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How many blonde's does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to hold the ladder and one to peel the carrotts

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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