Why did the plane crash? The pilots had brain damage.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What shoes keep dogs quiet? Hush puppies.

thumb_up thumb_down

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? It's hard to say, as this number depends on a large number of factors including the average area covered by one lick, the pH of saliva, the solubility of Tootsie Pops, the temperature of both the saliva and the Tootsie Pop, and the amount of saliva deposited on the Tootsie Pop after each lick. This is not to mention all the manufacturing irregularities that may occur during production, and varying tongue shapes and solvency properties of saliva.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's been hit millions of times? A woman married to an abusive husband.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call an 8 foot anxious priest painted purple named harold? Harold.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

knock knock, whos there? your neighbor's cat..no not really, but your sister just got raped

thumb_up thumb_down -2

(Insert joke here)

thumb_up thumb_down -6

When do doctors make house calls? When you're sick.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense

thumb_up thumb_down +44

what is the best way to start a car? put in the key and turn it.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between two black people? Ones a little mocha caramel.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Arab 1: Du good bai me, and I'll du good bai you. Arab 2: Ye men, sounds good men. Arab 3: O man, no way. Arab 4: K, u wait...jus wait n see.. Arab 5: I no interest! Me so saudi! Arab 6: D'oh...ha, ha, haa! Arab 7: This is so bahrain...I'm going to go club some protesters.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What can Harry Potter NOT see with his glasses? His parents...alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the Mexicans climb the fence? They were tossing frisbee and accidentally threw it into their neighbors yard.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What does shit smell like? Your maaaa

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what is worse than losing your phone? having it destroyed because you were texting while driving causing an accident and you are not eligible for and upgrade for another two months.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What breaks when you give it to a baby? Its pelvis

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Where did the girl go when a bomb was dropped on her? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what black and white and read all over? a woman who has just been beaten and raped and left to die in the snow.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did 3 kids mom's die last year? Because they were depressed and committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why can't you get a bull to talk? Because it felt like beating the shit out of you and mounting you.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

?"i'm so turned on right now." - horny light bulb

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops