why couldnt the kid get off the couch when his mom asked him to? he was paralyzed

thumb_up thumb_down -21

do you know whats worse than a bad joke on antijoke.com the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did joe drop his clock? billy ran into him, therfore making the clock wobble in his hand until it fell at 34 mph.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man walks into a bar, he realizes his mistake and walks into the dentist next door where he had made an appointment to get his teeth cleaned.

thumb_up thumb_down

pretend its saturday.... what is the square root of 9? who cares? everyone knows that you don't do math on saturday.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken a month off from working in their law firm. The mexican man, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. Alex, however never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What is the most common cause of pedophilia? Sexy kids.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red Violets are blue In Soviet Russia They had communism

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Chuck Norris was a famous actor that starred in Walker, Texas Ranger and Missing in Action. He is a normal person, just like you and me.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why was the T-Rex always sad? He couldn't clap his hands.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock Knock. who's there? James. well use the doorbell.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than a worm in your apple? A worm in your asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Q: What's worse than finding a fly in your soup? A: Getting your face smashed with a hammer.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Knock knock Who's there Heyyyy mackane!! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: Why wouldn't the other kids play with Timmy at recess? A: Because he was a burn victim and had no face.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you do with a pickle jar full of semen? Use it for gel, because it took so long to collect it all, and you're frugal person who believes in recycling.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

how did the jewish man die He had a fatal hard attack

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Fact: Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people one will always disagree with the other nine.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock Knock, Who's There? Legolas They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Let me tell you this really funny Dane Cook joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

is this love , is this love , is this love , that im feeling , no bob im afraid its cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: why did the dad drop his baby? A: she was slippery.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops