Your mother is so heavy that she decided to try out nutrisystem

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A: Knock Knock B: I'm sleeping!

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John, your son. Now open the door.

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Why couldn't the boy sing? The boy could sing, but the thick layer of duct tape prevented him from doing so.

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why did the girl fall off the swing? she had no arms.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im bad with colours Nice T!ts

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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What do you find in a pile of dead babies? ************************************************ A dead baby.

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Why did the person write an antijoke? To get to the other side

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knock knock whos there a boy a boy who ? oh, sorry he just got hit by a train.

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Whats the most common use of a butt plug after school? In the sport of pole vaultIng, the butt plug is the rubber end of the pole that is designed to withstand the force of being planted in a steel box.

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you are reading this Then it must be deja vu

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What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Reeves Christopher

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Why don't chicken wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their face

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What did Jesus REAREAREAREVENAGNCEREALLY SAY when he was walkin on da waterz? And I bless this object which shalth now be known as the surfboard, Amen. Seriously, im a Christian, that sounds kinda cute in a weird way... Like aww, thats why he walked on water, not because of terrifying super powers.

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My wife is so fat that I find her unattractive.

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Roses are angry Violets are too My head is scratchy I need shampoo

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roses are red, violets are blue, get on your knees ho, and stick to me like glue.

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Yo' momma is like a hardware store, 25 cents for a screw!

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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What is brown and smells bad? A white person that had been bathed in brown paint, and didn't shower for the next month, and rubbed poop all over them, and rubbed diarrhea all over them and rubbed rock poop all over them and rubbed pee all over them, and rubbed mud all over them, and pooped in a bottle.

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What kind of Mexican makes no money? A Mexican without a job.

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two flowers in a meddow recently bloomed a cow came over and ate them, and the cow died of herpes the next day

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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