Why did the homeless man get skin cancer Because he didn't have a home so the Suns rays had been directed towards him For 3 years and he was to poor to purchase Sun screen

thumb_up thumb_down -73

whats your budget like? a budget.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Simba was moving slow,so I told him to MUFASA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the man pee his pants? Because he was paralyzed from the waist down and had no way of feeling

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man walked into a bar. He broke his nose.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats the difference beetween a pilgrim and a jack-o-lantern? Jack-o-lanters didn't discover america.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

when choosing a bedtime story.... jack the rippers life stories is not a good idea... ........................................................................

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was the poor man poor? Because he doesnt make money

thumb_up thumb_down -3

sit in the dark for about 4 or 5 hours covered in Vaseline with a huge dildo inside of your arse

thumb_up thumb_down -7

If life gives you lemons.... Life is an abstract noun not a physical object so it can not give you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Robin Williams walks into a bar. The bartender says why the long face? To which Robin Williams replies, "Because I'm going to kill myself."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

thumb_up thumb_down +239

Why did FiddleBob Joe chuck a stick of butter out the window? Because he wanted to see a butter fly

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Two blondes are walking down the street. One breaks her left high heel and the other is called Monica.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did they bury the indian at the top of the hill? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: How do you stop a rhino from charging? A: Shoot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Four men are stranded on a small desert island. The first of them decides to build a raft out of bamboo, but it only has room for one passenger. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouted to the men on shore as he left, but a band of pirates killed him in the middle of the ocean. The second castaway was more clever, and built a submarine out of bamboo and sealed it with hides of animals they had killed. He counteracts the buoyant force with sand. In this way, he planned to avoid the pirates by being underwater. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he exclaimed as he sealed the one person sized chamber of his submarine, but not far off shore, he runs out of oxygen and suffocates to death. The third castaway learned from the mistakes of the first two, and in spite of the unpredictability of handcrafted aerial vehicles, he makes a glider. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouts from the hill top of the island as he leaps off and glides over the horizon. Though the journey is fraught with peril, he makes it back to civilization and is reunited with his family. It is expensive, but he prepares an expedition back to the island where his fourth comrade remains. It is worthy to note that on this small island, all the means of making shelter had been used up in the construction of the raft, submarine, and glider. The fourth castaway was found dead from exposure to the elements.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." and then the mushroom walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why are black people so good at basketball? They practice.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I once did __________ (went to Hawaii, drank a whole gallon of beer, etc. ), but then I woke up. Works with anything, and people will laugh.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you do when a blond ask you a question? Answer politely and thank her for her wonderful question.

thumb_up thumb_down

Two muffins are in an oven one muffin says to the other muffin "It's hot in here" the other muffin says "Holy crap a talking muffin".

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops