What has 14 eyes, 14 legs, 70 toes and 7 noses... 7 people.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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What's Donald Trump's favorite color? Green.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jimmy Tyler, your son Hi son *continues to open door

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Q: Why did the kid get Christman presents in August? A: Because it was cheaper than chemotherapy.

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How do you make a dog drink? Put one in a blender.

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Knock Knock Who's there? I bought a Jeep

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A man walked into a bar, was surprised to find his wife with another man, and had a heart attack.

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Why are aspirins white? Because the creator of aspirin didn't feel it necessary to color the pills.

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a pope and a catholic priest walk into a bar... the priest orders... then the pope says to the bartender "I'll have what hes having." so the bartender takes out a small child and says ...."are you sure?"

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what is your moms favorite website? Wait did I say mom. Oh I'm not very sorry.

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Why did the african kid die He was mauled by a tiger in a zoo

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Why did Dave buy a playstation? Because he wanted one.

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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What did the Muslim do after his friend told him a funny joke ? Laugh.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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tried to think of a great "anti-joke" not creative enough

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What's worse than the holocaust? Two holocausts What's worse than two holocausts? Twilight

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I've ben told to open all your windows when a tornado comes. Who told you THAT? A guy who opened all his windows when a tornado came.

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-It ain't over till the fat lady sings -she just did -oh, I guess it's over then -k

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Why do they give old people Viagra at nursing homes? Because erectile function decreases with increasing age, and it would be unfair to needlessly deny senior citizens the right to consensual intercourse if that is what they want.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "Is it hot in here?" The other muffin says "Yes. It feels like 425 degrees."

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Why did the little girl with no arms an legs cry? Because she fell off the swing.

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Why did the priest blow a kiss and waved to the little girl? She was his daughter. Why did the daughter's mother call the cops on the priest? Child support

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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