A man stumbles into a bar and yells, "Let's get wa-" and falls to the floor dead. The forensic scientists preform an autopsy and find that after 15 years of achoholism and depression caused his heart to stop beating. His family may have mourned his loss, if he had not left them penniless after killing his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is black, white and red all over? A black man has been shot and a white paramedic is standing over him trying to save his life.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

George Bush told Jared Fogle that he did 9/11. Jared Fogle replied "I did 9 11 year olds"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did Superman stop collecting stones? Did he ever? Moral: Yes but his kryptonite collection seemed to slow him down at times... until he stopped...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What is annoying and uses another language? Spanish class!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did Sally fall off the swing set? Becasue she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Suzie fall of the swing???? she had down syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why couldn't the blonde fix the lightbulb? It was shattered.

thumb_up thumb_down

How many eco-friendly people does it take to change a lightbulb? Nobody knows because fluorescent lightbulbs last 6 to 12 years longer than an incandescent lightbulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

How do you scare a lawyer? Threaten to kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Okay, you seem sincere enough, thing is that I trust you, but your buddies, if you can vouch for them, then I at least know that you are putting your stepmother in danger if you decide to cover for your friends, besides you being such an emotional crybaby kinda gets me into trusting you again.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A priest, a rabbi, and a whale sit down at a bar. The priest says to the bartender, "Jesus Christ is our savior." The rabbi responds, "No. Our savior has not yet been born." To which the whale adds, "MMMUUURRRAAAAAAOOOUUU!!!"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the business man move to New York? Because he saw a potential business opportunity that could benefit him and his loving family.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the biker do when he heard about Kony 2012? He became a social activist and did his part by contributing to the cause.

thumb_up thumb_down

What happens when you swallow a battery? You turn into one.

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Whats big, purple and hairy. Has 4 eyes and 2 brains? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why didn't the girl take her hairbrush to school? She has cancer and all her hair fell out.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

potatoes

thumb_up thumb_down +37

if justin beiber was dating a girl what would you call him? a lesbian

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Michael Hoffman leaves the gym

thumb_up thumb_down +10

There were two chippendales in a bar - what were their nicknames? Chip and Dale

thumb_up thumb_down -6

you: "hey, is your refrigerater running?" random, confusded individual: "yeah" you: "oh."

thumb_up thumb_down -22

roses are blue violets are red and just like you they're messed up in the head

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops