what did the homeless man get for Christmas? Cancer

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Why did the baby cry? Because his parents dropped him on his head.

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:/ Meh, I am just a side character anyways... Dont really care...

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Why is Michael Jackson bad at the piano? Because he is dead.

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What is white on the top and black on the bottom? Society

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Two parrots are in a cage. The one looks at the other one and says, "answer the phone," and the other one says, "where are my car keys."

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You again? Well, ill answer again then. Ill be fine, I just got some wounds and got beaten into a coma which nobody was sure I was going to wake up from so details where hidden. As for this Neo guy, I have no idea who he is and where he arrived from, but if he is gone, it wont matter. Lets just say I wont die from these wounds, some people disagree, but I have overcome far, far worse, so trust me, these guys told me I had two weeks to live about a month ago, and the doctor that was there at my birth told me I had two months to live and would never develop a consciousness... I digress and my japing mouth disagrees with his statement regarding my not being able to learn or understand fluid language, hah... ...As for you Golgo12 "some people deem me insane", id say most people do, except six million of them, and I do not plan to leave this realm just because my lifelong dream is set, there is still much to do, point zero is not exactly a nice place at the moment, but technology and money can do wonders, we soon plan to expand things. Sorry everybody else, I am too tired to answer anything, id say something sooner, but I officially beat the record of 11 days without sleep by not being able to sleep for 14 days, and then I raged when I read you need to hold on for at least six weeks on valium if you want to quit cold turkey. Technically docs say I am on 30 mg, but fuck I can handle 20 just fine... Cant say the same about none. Ill gladly share more details, but if I cant sleep soon, the damn pain will keep me awake all night long... Besides I am hungry... Which is good, my nurse (Alice is damn cute lucky me) was concerned about me refusing to eat, thats over... Oh yeah the details, I got some burns (lets not go into details, lets just say that for you that call me pretty face, this is no longer the case) They shattered my knees, but my kneecaps "broke on their own" (dad) when I was four, and you guys know I can run and all that. Except that they put some shit on my eyes before I broke free, but I managed to wash it away, so while I need some glasses until I see if laser surgery can fix my vision again (I doubt it, its not how it works) I will apparently be wearing glasses that Alice says makes me look "cute and nerdy" which to me sounds like Nerdy. Fine I got to eat, so if you have any more questions, feel free, and if Eliza got any more, I ask you guys let her go first, its not like "YOU ARE ALIVE?!? AGAIN?!" Is a question I need to answer to each of you rite? Well now or... Never (aka next week or something) so get moving...

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Make an effort in life whenever you want. Fight trough life when you got no other choice.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor? -Cody Williams

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Why are Chinese people short? Chinese people are often exposed to harmful chemicals because of lax environmental laws, and suffer from poor nutrition.

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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How do you get a women stop running a marathon? You tell her that you have AIDS and she should get herself checked.

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How many amish does it take to change a lightbulb? Presumably only one, but since they do not generally use electricity it has yet to be tested.

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A pig and an elephant walk into a bar. But the pig doesn't even make it into the bar because the mentaly insane elephant ate him. Ouch

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Whats black, white, and huge? The world if you are a dog.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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Knock, knock No, I do not want to hear about God.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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Q; Why was the man loosing his hair? A; Because since he was at an older age, he was going bald.

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How much Cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? A lot!

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A Ferrari Enzo and a Toyota Prius were having a street race. The Driver of the Ferrari died after he was hit by a bus.

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Why do gay guys like push pops? Because they are a delicious lollipop treat.

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why was the chinese man so good at math it was his favorite subject

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How do you prevent aids? Nail an orphan to your genitals before sex.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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