My Friday was going great until i realized it's Thursday...

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A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

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no pen = no studying no studying = bad grades bad grades = no job no job = no money no money = no food no food = death DON'T LOSE YOUR PEN

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A devout Islamic man walks into a weapons of mass destruction store he is shocked and appalled at how easily such dangerous weapons can be bought.

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What does a man want more than sex? Nothing.

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how do you make a plummer cry? you spell PLUMBER wrong

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How many rednecks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three.

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how did the little girl get to heaven? she died.

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A bartender walks into a bar. It's his shift.

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whats the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? the wheelchair

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A van drives into a car.

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Q. What is a deaf man's favorite song? A. Nothing, because he can not hear.

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Why was the little boy hit by a bus? I pushed him

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because he got hit by a fridge. Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she got hit by a fridge. Why couldn't the cat drink its milk? Because it had no face.

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What did one dog say to the other dog? Nobody knows as humans are unable to understand the way dogs communicate.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She didn't, she's a woman.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No reason.

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A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

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What did the man say to the woman before he had sex with her? "May I have sex with you, please?"

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What do you get if you cross a football with Theo Walcott? A goal kick.

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Don't you just hate it when sentences don't end how you think they TESTACLES

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Why did the catholic priest go to jail He was a paedophile

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your mom is so fat that she should probably try a deit in the neer future.

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I'm Donald Trump! Wump wump wump!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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