What did the senile man say to the kids on his lawn? Tree dance the gator thong for my nipples.

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What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? If you eat a Jew, you're deemed a cannibal and are frowned upon by the majority of society.

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Why did the boy dress up as a zombie? Because it was Halloween.

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Why did the disabled man fall of the swing, someone shot him.

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Q: Whats the difference between a guitar and a piece of ham? A: You can eat a piece of ham.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why doesn't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead

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A man opens his refrigerator and takes out a can of soda. He returns back to his living area and continues watching television.

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There was a Mexican, a Chinese, and an American on a plane. The Mexican threw down a sack of beans, the Chinese threw down a sack of rice, and the American threw down a bomb. The plane landed. When the three passengers stepped out of the plane, they were hungry.

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You copy and paster!

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How many Polish people does it take to screw in a light bulb? My dad is dead.

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Your mom's so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and foods with nutritional value!!!! Oh burn!!!!

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What do you call a blonde on the Moon? That depends on what her name is.

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Paige

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Roses are red Violets are blue My dad drinks a lot Help Me

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Why didn't Joe have any friends? Because according to Thomas Hobbes man is anti-social by nature and therefore the only friends that he has are purely to reach his own ends and thus Joe cannot truly have friends in the sense that many use the word.

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Why do vampires suck the blood of their victims? Because blood is very nutritious and provides more iron for heamoglobin.

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Why are so many children obese? Because they eat to much and they are not physically active enough

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What did polyvore say to wanelo? Nothing They are apps

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What do you call an owl that is a magician too? Owls cannot be magician you retard.

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What do Micheal Jackson and Niel Armstrong have in common? Armstrong did the earthwalk on the moon and Jackson F#$%ed little boys in the butt.

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Three men walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and a cheetah? A fictional animal.

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knock knock who's there? roses are red, violets are blue, i shit in a bag and now its in flames on your porch

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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