What does a baby sound like when put in the microwave? I don't know, I was masturbating.

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Knock-Knock. Who's there? The person knocking at your door.

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Ask me if I am a tree Are you a tree? No.

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Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, he asked: ‘Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?’ ‘No, your Highness,’ he replied, ‘but my father was.

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HEY EVERYONE THUMBS UP!

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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? He had no arms.

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What did the headless man say? Nothing. The man can't speak because he doesn't have a head.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the dead monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer-pressure.

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What did the cow get for Christmas? A tree

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had an appointment with his hair stylist. Just kidding chicken don't have hair.

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What's worst than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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So I was making this glass of milk right? So I get the milk out. And I get the soup out.. then I go...wait a minute...where'd the glass of soup come into this glass of situations? *smile+awkard pause because nobody will laugh at this=Success of this anti joke...try it*

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Izzy and Zayn Malick got married. Then Zayn asked for a divorce due to their age difference..

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how Sudan answered England when England's ambassador eaten by Sudanese people? Eat ours

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I am darkness, soon I shall rule the world, those of you that desire to serve me thumb this up, those of you that desire eternal fear beyond your imagination, thumb me down. Moral: Try thinking of me and thinking "he is crazy", in order to unlock the secrets behind spontaneous human combustion.

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Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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What do you call children with no arms or legs ...their names

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If a rooster lays a brown egg on the south side of an Asian man's roof, which way would I turn at the intersection? Folderol, because laundry has no soul.

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What the black guy say to the Jew during the blizzard? I think it's snowing.

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What do you call an arab with a shemagh on his head and a gun A man who is concerned for his wellbeing and family

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i hate anti-jokes ;)

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he happened to be walking in that general direction.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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Why did the girl die? She read Twililght

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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