What does a baby sound like when put in the microwave? I don't know, I was masturbating.

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What did Batman say to his parents? Nothing. They're dead. Idiot.

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A baby walks into a bar, the whole bar applaudes for the baby boy who just took his first steps.

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You should periodically review the most up-to-date version of the Terms of Service. Oh you.

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What did the senile man say to the kids on his lawn? Tree dance the gator thong for my nipples.

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I believe that as long as we do not change, as we decide to believe in ourselves and use our strength and potential, all that is left, is to see which side fate favors. Maybe we are meant to survive trough our strength and belief in ourselves and each other, or maybe we are, or will eventually end up as the last people of our kind, and fade away from life, proving that those that trust in the corrupt, where better than us. Suddenly I feel so alone.

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Why did the boy dress up as a zombie? Because it was Halloween.

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400 asian people walked in a bar

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what did the dog do when he saw the flea?he ate it because he didn't know what would happen next

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What's worst than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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Joe Paterno dosn't walk into a police station.-South Park

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Q: Whats the difference between a guitar and a piece of ham? A: You can eat a piece of ham.

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A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

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what do you do when a baby screams? shake it.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Q: What did William Wallace say to Beyonce after Taylor Swift's performance? A: Nothing, because William Wallace has been dead for some time now.

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What's worse than repeating holocaust jokes? Repeating the holocaust.

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How do you kill a 1000 Ethiopians? Throw a biscuit off a cliff. JimBoto

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Where does a homeless person live? No where

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Shoes, socks, and mittens.

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What the black guy say to the Jew during the blizzard? I think it's snowing.

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Why do priest touch children? They are sexually deprived and frustrated because their religion forbids them from having a normal sexual relationship with the opposite sex.

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Knock-Knock. Who's there? The person knocking at your door.

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Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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