When there's something weird in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police.

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Why didn't Joe have any friends? Because according to Thomas Hobbes man is anti-social by nature and therefore the only friends that he has are purely to reach his own ends and thus Joe cannot truly have friends in the sense that many use the word.

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What do old people really like? Anal sex.

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Society.

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Q: How does Lady Gaga like her meat? A: Exactly what her preference is.

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What's the difference between dead babies and ferraris? I don't have 17 ferraris in my garage.

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What do the Chinese call ping pong? Ping pong.

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What did the senile man say to the kids on his lawn? Tree dance the gator thong for my nipples.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had an appointment with his hair stylist. Just kidding chicken don't have hair.

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Whats green has four legs and would kill you if it fell from a tree. Pool Table.....

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Q: What's funny about prostitution? A: Nothing. It's a widely misunderstood profession.

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What's worse than death? Nothing.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms

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Why is your face? Because.

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What's worse than the Broncos losing the Superbowl? Your iPhone not working anymore

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Why did the chicken kill itself? To get to the other side.

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Why do priest touch children? They are sexually deprived and frustrated because their religion forbids them from having a normal sexual relationship with the opposite sex.

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What do you do when a elephant is sitting on your fence? You hit it with a fridge

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

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Q: Why didn't the Government help the poor little boy? A: Because he was taking a test and that would be cheating.

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An Asian child flunks a test.

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and a cheetah? A fictional animal.

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An elephant and a llama walk into a bar. Realizing that they must have broken out of the local zoo, all of the people run out of the bar screaming.

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What is 6 plus 9? 15.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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