If file gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

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You should really respect vegetables more. They rock. They're all like... AAAHH!!!... and I'm all like... DUDE! THAT'S SO INCREDIBLY RANDOM!... and seriously, you should respect da veggies!

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Last Christmas I gave you my heart... but the very next day your body rejected the transplant and you died.

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What happened to the chicken crossing the road? She found a male chicken, had many babies and lived happily forever after.

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How do you make a plumber stop sagging? Tickle his crack

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what would you do if Michael Jackson was drowning? he can't drown he's already dead

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Whats the difference between a ham sandwich and a dead baby sandwich? I don't stomp on my ham sadnwiches with cleats before I eat them.

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Justin Littleton's mom accidentally texting him about buying weed, and then offering to buy him ice cream to make up for it.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the dead monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer-pressure.

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Ask me if I'm a flower. Are you a flower? No.

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Q: Why did the little girl upset? A: Because she was part of the human centipede

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a weird guy tickled a watermelon.

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What does 1+1 equal? 2

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What do you call two gay black men? Homosexuals.

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What did the boy get for creating a fantastic AntiJoke? Leukemia

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A young girl falls off a swing, she is paralysed from the neck down and unable to walk every agian.

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Me:I talk to myself to much. Me:Same

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Why did the Koala Fall out of the tree, It was Dead

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Rosa Parks is going to be here if she gets to the bus on time!

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What do you call a blonde on the Moon? That depends on what her name is.

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Why do vampires suck the blood of their victims? Because blood is very nutritious and provides more iron for heamoglobin.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. This next line doesn't rhyme. Nor does this one. This isn't a very good poem.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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