What did one narwhal say to another Hi ;)

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What's brown and sticky? Human excrement.

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This is my firstever post so I wanted to make it very specialand have it really mean something, then I though fark that for a joke

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Why did the man pick the flower? Because he didn't like flowers.

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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Why did Helen Keller cross the road? BECAUSE SHE WAS A BITCH!

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Knock Knock Who's There? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd never forget.

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A kid walked in to a bar, grabbed a napkin, and left

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Q: What is the difference between a tree and a women? A: your mom

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The prefix "con" means bad. The prefix "pro" means good. So what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

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A kid falls off a cliff and dies. Who cleans them up? A bear.

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you ever put a vibrating phone on your b a l l s ???

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't a drunk driver went off the street and hit the chicken and killed it on impact.

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You can eat a pie. You can eat a chicken. But you cannot eat a human being because that would be called cannibalism and cannibalism is a felony that can give the government a right to hold you in an international detainment facility for up to 40 years.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? i have no idea but i hope he got to the other side safely.

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Two girls are sitting quietly.

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Am I the boss.No I was just offered the job

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? IT WAS DEAD.

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Justin Bieber walks into a Gay-Bar. He is then kindly escorted out because he is underage. Also, because the patrons gave him certain looks that brought concern to the heterosexual bartender.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I'm color blind.

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What is more scary than an AK47,blood,and 99999 naughty children? Nothing problaly :p

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A man goes to his drug dealer to buy Meth, there is no joke here, he is addicted to meth.

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what's red and green and goes 100 mph? a red and green car going over the speed limit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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