Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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how do you warm someone up? you set their house on fire.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They sent her to her room without dinner.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? A stimulus in the environment to the receptors in his fingers caused his hand to open no longer gripping the ice cream. Due to this, the ice cream fell to the ground causing a desirable mess for someone to clean up, satisfying themselves with the fact that they have considered the environment during this small ''could happen to anybody'' situation. After the messed was cleaned up, the boy's mother bought him another ice cream, in which case the boy anticipated another potential mess, and held the ice cream carefully. As he did this, he managed to finish eating the whole of the ice cream, allowing no money that was paid for the product to go to waste.

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how many people can you eat? well, im not canniballistic, so none unless i was starving.

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Q: What is the difference between a tree and a women? A: your mom

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Daughter: Mom can i watch a movie? Mom: Sure. Daughter: Thanks mom! You're the best mom in the world! Well....Mary is, since she had Jesus.....But anyway. Thanks!

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"Knock Knock" "Who the hell is it?" "Patri..." "Go the hell away!"

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Tell somebody that someone told you they look like an owl. When they say "Who?" laugh in their face

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What do you get when you cross The Incredible Hulk and King Kong? Two angry fictional characters.

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Why was Thomas Jefferson chosen to write the Declaration of Independence? He was an educated man and seemed suitable for said job.

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An elephant walks into a bar. He nearly levels the entire structure as he forced his way through the front door.

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why did the lion get lost? because the jungle is massive.

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Women's rights... Are a legitimate concern in today's society.

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I love you, you live me. Now get the FUDGE out of the tree!!!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I have not seen chicken since I was very young, on my parents' farm. This is before the Cossacks slaughtered them. I can still hear screams of sister as soldiers ravaged her. But back to question, where did you see chicken? I am very, very hungry.

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Once upon a time, there was a gorilla who found Suzie. Suzie was mauled because she had no arms

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Q: What's Lindsay Lohan getting for Christmas? A: AIDS

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your mammas so fat she has to buy pants in the xxlarge section of the store

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot.

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Wanna know what my grandma said before she kicked the bucket? Hey grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?

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Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a canary! Yes, you are.

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What's older than history? Pre-history.

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What's the difference between a monkey wrench and a snow cone? A lot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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