Your mom walks into a bar.

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What did little Jimmy say when he met God ? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

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People eat. Thats because we poop. No its the other way around. Sloppy Joes. Thats what my poop looks like. Oh no im eating poop in between two buns!

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Am I the boss.No I was just offered the job

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Whats worse than a blonde jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car, and orphaning two little girls who are beat in the orphanage and become homeless and unimportant and consequently jumping off bridges themselves?

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Why did the man have 3 girlfriends? A: because he is a womanizer

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"Knock Knock" "Who the hell is it?" "Patri..." "Go the hell away!"

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what did the angry asian man do after chrashing his car? He died later in the hospital that night from a combination of severe head trauma, internal bleeding, and various fractures.

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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? A disgusting halfbreed which prays daily for its own euthenasia...

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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Seen the new batman movie? [spoiler] the audience dies

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Whats big, purple and hairy. Has 4 eyes and 2 brains? Nothing.

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Fine, you got me there, I have already made sure that you get your compensation, it is the least thing I can do you let me know if anyone claiming to be part of my order bothers you again, I promise I will personally enforce strict guidelines in order to ensure that such a thing never happens again. I hope you will trust me, I will no longer call it the Order of Nero, but as you know we cannot reveal the true name of our order. I also agree to meet you in person so we can further discuss this impeding situation which I will give top priority. Truth is Nero, that I used to be one of your co workers in the underground, and my attempts at saving what is left might not be as ideal as the goals we are set to achieve are, we simply cannot expect that people excel at greatness at the first go. Of course this grave incident is not even near a "mere lack of greatness" but rather a group of people that yes, sadly have rightfully claimed to be members of our society, yet I need you to come to terms that this was a huge oversight in my vision for a new and "improved" underground society, and not a intentional attack at you and your personal security. I submit to your demands, and I ask that you partake in a small number of meetings where we can all discuss and further develop the necessary guidelines required to further solidify our foundation.

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What do you call a submarine full of soldiers shot by a torpedo? Tragic war heros, that we will remember and honor

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Why was the little boy sad? Cause his mum died of a terminal illness. Why was the little girl sad? Cause she was his sibling.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She never got her drivers license.

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How do you stop a rhino from charging? Try not to antagonise it.

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9/11

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Q: Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? A: He was looking for pooh

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you ever put a vibrating phone on your b a l l s ???

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what did the black guy say to the other black guy? good morning

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Why did the color blind man cut the red wire and accidentally blew himself up and all the other people involved in the situation? Because he didn't know how to defuse a bomb.

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finding nemo didnt make sense how could a shark go on a no fish diet

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Wanna know what my grandma said before she kicked the bucket? Hey grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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