if a dinosaurs could talk, what would they say nothing their all dead

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A bear walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender knows that bears can't talk and realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and rolls over to tell his wife about the dream. She hears the joke, but turns away from him and pretends to be asleep. Then the bartender begins to cry. His marriage is in shambles.

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Watermelons don't have feet.

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What did the the policeman say to the band member who trashed a hotel room? "You're under arrest" The band member replied "Well, you're under a vest" The policeman reiterates that this isn't the time to be making any jokes and that vandalism is a very serious offence

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what is it called when a woman is president. The Apacolypse.

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Q. How much wood would a Wood-Chuck chuck if a Wood-Chuck could chuck wood? A. Wood-Chuck's clearly cant chuck would so what is the point of trying to figure out a question that would never take place in real life?

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knock knock your nana had a cardiac arrest and thankfull dead now

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dumpster full of dead babies? There isn't a Ferrari in my garage.

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Three Jews walk into a bar... I lied, it was a gas chamber.

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Why did the Blonde say something stupid? Because she is stupid

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? It didn't. She was capable of loving and caring for a dog.

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Why did Billy start crying? Becuase he's fat and stupid and noboy loves him

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If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests? Well, a test is a well thought-out series of questions, usually used in schools to determine a students final grade.

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What is more scary than an AK47,blood,and 99999 naughty children? Nothing problaly :p

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Seen the new batman movie? [spoiler] the audience dies

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Whats big, purple and hairy. Has 4 eyes and 2 brains? Nothing.

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Fine, you got me there, I have already made sure that you get your compensation, it is the least thing I can do you let me know if anyone claiming to be part of my order bothers you again, I promise I will personally enforce strict guidelines in order to ensure that such a thing never happens again. I hope you will trust me, I will no longer call it the Order of Nero, but as you know we cannot reveal the true name of our order. I also agree to meet you in person so we can further discuss this impeding situation which I will give top priority. Truth is Nero, that I used to be one of your co workers in the underground, and my attempts at saving what is left might not be as ideal as the goals we are set to achieve are, we simply cannot expect that people excel at greatness at the first go. Of course this grave incident is not even near a "mere lack of greatness" but rather a group of people that yes, sadly have rightfully claimed to be members of our society, yet I need you to come to terms that this was a huge oversight in my vision for a new and "improved" underground society, and not a intentional attack at you and your personal security. I submit to your demands, and I ask that you partake in a small number of meetings where we can all discuss and further develop the necessary guidelines required to further solidify our foundation.

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I dont no the difference between their and there

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. "Knock, Knock!" "Who's there?" "Not Sally"

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"Lack of sleep" is that like... Sleep deprivation?

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? IT WAS DEAD.

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why did the chicken not cross the road? He ran

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What do you call it when a black guy runs down a hill? A male of African descent sprinting down a geographical landform that extends above the surrounding terrain.

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Why did the man have 3 girlfriends? A: because he is a womanizer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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