What do you call a pakie flying a plane The pilot... or a terrorist it up to you

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Phillip has 200 pieces of candy, Phillip eats 185 pieces of that candy, what does Phillip have left? Diabetes, Phillip has diabetes.

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Why couldn't Michael ask out Mary? Because Mary had been dead for dead for 10 years.

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Dear mom, I'm wearing skinny jeans. If I can't get them off, Neither can the rapist.

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How do you stop a rhino from charging? Try not to antagonise it.

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Yidi Huang lives here.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? It didn't. She was capable of loving and caring for a dog.

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Why did Justin Beiber cross the road? He didn't because he is still in the closet!

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Your mother is so succsessfull that she can have any job she wants, she is probally going to stick with her current job though, She is a lawyer.

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Flop dog

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Patient: Hey doc, I think I might have a tumor... Doc: Don't worry, it's all in your head.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dumpster full of dead babies? There isn't a Ferrari in my garage.

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What has two thumbs and cancer? This guy.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? IT WAS DEAD.

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Oh no! I forgot the milk!

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what is it called when a woman is president. The Apacolypse.

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If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests? Well, a test is a well thought-out series of questions, usually used in schools to determine a students final grade.

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Why was Thomas Jefferson chosen to write the Declaration of Independence? He was an educated man and seemed suitable for said job.

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What did the rap singer say to the other rap singer? "You just got served. Here, read this subpoena and sign it, verifying your understanding of the document."

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how do you warm someone up? you set their house on fire.

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What do you call a submarine full of soldiers shot by a torpedo? Tragic war heros, that we will remember and honor

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What is Michael Bay's favorite fruit? Melon

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shall i compare thee to a summers day, no, because thee are ugly, yay

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When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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