Phillip has 200 pieces of candy, Phillip eats 185 pieces of that candy, what does Phillip have left? Diabetes, Phillip has diabetes.

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What did the white guy say to the Mexican when he entered the US? How was your flight?

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What is the difference between you and I? I obviously have a life aas you don't because you are still reading these stupid jokes.

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What's black and blue and red all over Sex

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what's worse than getting an unwarranted parking ticket? Serving a life sentence for killing the meter man.

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You can eat a pie. You can eat a chicken. But you cannot eat a human being because that would be called cannibalism and cannibalism is a felony that can give the government a right to hold you in an international detainment facility for up to 40 years.

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What did the black guy said when he ate a pie? Nothing, he learned not to speak with a full mouth.

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What is a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

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A dog walks into a bar and asks for a pint.. But is immediately turned away as dogs are not allowed in pubs.

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What's worse than finding a hair in your sandwitch? Finding a dead baby in your salad!

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If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests? Well, a test is a well thought-out series of questions, usually used in schools to determine a students final grade.

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Why did Jim fall out of the tree? Because Jim is a leaf.

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Did you hear about the blond who went to college? She got her masters. became and environmental scientist, married a nice man, and had two wonderful children. After retiring at age 65, she spent the rest of her days living in a cozy beachside house.

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Then help me understand Nero, people had the free and legal right to decide to be a part of our, or your society if you prefer, where has that option gone now? Where is the people that choose to believe in their own potential and in the one of their equals? Today we live in a society where its basically pop culture to dislike oneself, where it is considered narcissism to like oneself, and you know that we have both been affected, while those we considered allies before, have joined the same people that branded us evil.

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Wanna know what my grandma said before she kicked the bucket? Hey grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?

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If you are riding a horse, how many watermelons does it take to kill a giraffe? Platypus.

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how do you warm someone up? you set their house on fire.

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What did little Jimmy say when he met God ? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

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Why couldn't Michael ask out Mary? Because Mary had been dead for dead for 10 years.

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knock knock! fu ck off i'm a shift worker trying to sleep

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shall i compare thee to a summers day, no, because thee are ugly, yay

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Paperclip... BANANA?!

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What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Get it repaired.

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Why did Justin Beiber cross the road? He didn't because he is still in the closet!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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