knock knock! fu ck off i'm a shift worker trying to sleep

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Q. Which is bigger, a dog or the Statue of Liberty? (Trick question! Think carefully before looking at the answer!) A. The Statue of Liberty.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman "I'll have a pint of................ beer please." The barman says "why the big pause?"

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Why did people spend $100 on Kanye West's plain white T- shirt? Because it was a good looking T-shirt.

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When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

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Once upon a time, there was a gorilla who found Suzie. Suzie was mauled because she had no arms

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why do humans have gall bladders? I honestly don't know

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Q: What did the bartender say to the Arab as he was walking in? A: Nothing, the bomb had already killed them both.

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Imagine Buzz Lightyear standing on the edge of a cliff. He jumps off hoping to fly. He manages to glide for a little bit until a bird crashes into him a cause one of his wings to break. What happens then? Simply imagine him turning into bird.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? i have no idea but i hope he got to the other side safely.

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Flop dog

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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Why did the man shut up? because he was told to

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Then lets give this another shot, this time we stop questioning how to make others happy, and if that is what makes us happy, then we ask: What else.

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Dear mom, I'm wearing skinny jeans. If I can't get them off, Neither can the rapist.

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The prefix "con" means bad. The prefix "pro" means good. So what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

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Andy Warhol said we will all be famous for fifteen minutes. My soccer coach molested me and the trial was televised, they obscured my face and voice because I was twelve at the time.

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Mitch

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dumpster full of dead babies? There isn't a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why did the black man fall off the building? The building was one of the twin towers and the event 9/11 was currently happening and he saw one of the planes coming at him so he decided to jump to his misery instead because he thought it will hurt less, also he thought that if he waited for the plane to hit him there is a possibility that one of the wings may hit him right on the neck and his head will get chopped off and he wanted to die with his body completely attached.

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What has five letters and sounds like "trucks?" Vroom

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What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Oh, they were just nailing a notice of foreclosure to the door.

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Why did Justin Beiber cross the road? He didn't because he is still in the closet!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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