What do you call a submarine full of soldiers shot by a torpedo? Tragic war heros, that we will remember and honor

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Phillip has 200 pieces of candy, Phillip eats 185 pieces of that candy, what does Phillip have left? Diabetes, Phillip has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Fine, you got me there, I have already made sure that you get your compensation, it is the least thing I can do you let me know if anyone claiming to be part of my order bothers you again, I promise I will personally enforce strict guidelines in order to ensure that such a thing never happens again. I hope you will trust me, I will no longer call it the Order of Nero, but as you know we cannot reveal the true name of our order. I also agree to meet you in person so we can further discuss this impeding situation which I will give top priority. Truth is Nero, that I used to be one of your co workers in the underground, and my attempts at saving what is left might not be as ideal as the goals we are set to achieve are, we simply cannot expect that people excel at greatness at the first go. Of course this grave incident is not even near a "mere lack of greatness" but rather a group of people that yes, sadly have rightfully claimed to be members of our society, yet I need you to come to terms that this was a huge oversight in my vision for a new and "improved" underground society, and not a intentional attack at you and your personal security. I submit to your demands, and I ask that you partake in a small number of meetings where we can all discuss and further develop the necessary guidelines required to further solidify our foundation.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

who is still together after all the crap they have been through? your butt cheeks

thumb_up thumb_down +44

what's worse than getting an unwarranted parking ticket? Serving a life sentence for killing the meter man.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What is a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was the Blonde Crying? -because she had just witnessed her infant get sucked through a jet engine and was very sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you stop a rhino from charging? Try not to antagonise it.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a ghost walks into a bar and sais BOO! The bartender then yelded AAAAHHH! and died of a hart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the little boy sad? Cause his mum died of a terminal illness. Why was the little girl sad? Cause she was his sibling.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

What did the black guy said when he ate a pie? Nothing, he learned not to speak with a full mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what's worse than finding 8 babies in 1 trash can? nuclear warfare

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the pope do when he saw the grinch? He prayed for his soul.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

"Behold, the greatest invention Man has ever seen!" exclaimed the inventor of eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Flop dog

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Wanna know what my grandma said before she kicked the bucket? Hey grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you fit 6000000 jews into a car? 1 in the front, 1 in the back and the rest in the ashtray.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What did little Jimmy say when he met God ? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

shall i compare thee to a summers day, no, because thee are ugly, yay

thumb_up thumb_down -113

What's black and blue and red all over Sex

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Daughter: Mom can i watch a movie? Mom: Sure. Daughter: Thanks mom! You're the best mom in the world! Well....Mary is, since she had Jesus.....But anyway. Thanks!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Then help me understand Nero, people had the free and legal right to decide to be a part of our, or your society if you prefer, where has that option gone now? Where is the people that choose to believe in their own potential and in the one of their equals? Today we live in a society where its basically pop culture to dislike oneself, where it is considered narcissism to like oneself, and you know that we have both been affected, while those we considered allies before, have joined the same people that branded us evil.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I saw a man one day i saw him the next day and the next and the next i didn't see him ever again

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Your mom is so stupid she went back to collage and got her masters n buissnes.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops