Dear diary, its day 230, the apple supply's are running low, the doctors are closing in, the dentists have been chanting "its time to go to the dentist" all day, I wont be able to hold them back much longer, help.

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Sgt. Richard, here... your son was raped many times by Iranian soldiers, then forced to make love to many goats and had his limbs chopped off.. he will never be able to walk, talk or poop without assistance again. OH MY GOD, NO!.. WHY!!! Haha just kidding mam, he stepped on a landmine and died.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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whats white, and stinks of urine? nick griffin's toliet

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What did one black guy say to the other black guy? I haven't thought of it yet....

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A labrador, a chihuahua, and a great dane walk onto a bar. They are strays and were brought to the pound where they were more than likely put down or adopted.

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Anything Dane Cook says

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Someone said you sound like an owl Who?

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LIE

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Why did the British boy win his talent show? Because he had straight teeth

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How many people does it take to change a lightbulb? It depends on if the person has a lightbulb of the correct size and wattage...

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Wanna hear a joke? Good, go ask a comedian.

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If Earth is a triangle, then why are trees smart? Because turtles have 4 legs

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How do two porcupines make love? Well actually it's doubtful that porcupines feel higher emotions like love - they pretty much just mate for reproductive purposes.

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What did the pacific ocean do to the Atlantic ocean? He waved.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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I black guy was walking down a street when he saw a beautiful women and said to her that she looked lovely

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? The colour of their skin.

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how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

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So a Jewish Family walks into a German Pizzeria. They were very satisfied with the service and ended up tipping the waiter 20%

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Why didn't the lobster share his treasure? Because he did not possess the cranial capacity to understand the concept of ownership; thus, he did not consider the treasure his

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On a scale of Voldemort to Nigel Thornberry, how large is your nose?

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why did the internet crash? it didn't

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A man walks into a bar and utters profanity because he's hit his head on a protruding metal object that cannot move out of the way and has therefore made him look stupid because he neglected to walk around it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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