A Man walks into a bar, he sits down on a stool and begins to cry. Why are you crying, asks the Bartender. I just lost my job, my wife left me and I had my car reposesed. Ok says the Bartender, I know what'll cheer you up, he promptly pulls out a 12 inch piano and begins to play. The Man at the Bar says, hey thats awesome where did you get it? The Bartender says, a really old Genie gave it to me. You know what, I like you so I am going to let you have my last wish. Really? Asks the man, Ok thanks, I wish for a million bucks said the man at the bar. There was a Loud voice saying "Your Wish has been granted" then the room was full of ducks. Hey! Exclaimed the man, I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks! Yeah, said the bartender, and I wished for a 12 inch penis...

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Dear diary, its day 230, the apple supply's are running low, the doctors are closing in, the dentists have been chanting "its time to go to the dentist" all day, I wont be able to hold them back much longer, help.

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A kid falls off a cliff and dies. Who cleans them up? A bear.

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Three men stood before Saint Peter at the pearly white gates. They were then sent straight to Hell for committing mass suicide in hopes of reaching a higher state of being through a device located on a meteor.

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How many people does it take to change a lightbulb? It depends on if the person has a lightbulb of the correct size and wattage...

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Passing by

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What items don't float? A school bus full of children

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Allie said yesssssssss!

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What do you call a black piano player? You call him a pianist who plays a black piano. However, that really doesn't seem all that short, so you may just want to call him by his name, whether it be Bob, Jeff, or Ronaldo.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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You know what's addicting? Heroine.

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"An alcohol walks into a man. He is a family and is destroying the bar." Says the drunk man to the bartender who wrote it on Anti-joke.com.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he.

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Why couldn't the 10-year-old go to the moon? Because it's the Moo-oo-ooo... no you can't come!

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A guy walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.

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What happened to the boy with AIDS? He died at the age of 12

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Hey girl, the word of the day is "legs". So let's go home and research the origin of the term and possibly conduct other etymological studies.

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Most of men think: the bigger dick they have, the more pleasure they can give to woman. Most of women don't thinks so, becouse they haven't got a dick.

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What did the girl say when the boy asked her out? Yes.

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What's white on top and black on bottom? Society

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Knock knock who's there? A serial rapist, now open up. hmmm... Ok... 3 Days passed before they found the serial rapist dead.

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What do you get when you mix Fruit and Flys? Fries... or Flutes, depending on how many Flys your add.

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How do you call the smallest mouse on Earth? James.

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Why did the chicken cross the road ? Possibly because it saw some sort of reason to do so, and being a chicken. Doesn't see the danger in motor vehicles.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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