want to hear a joke? Woman's rights

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What's a small person? A midget

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What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa is a jolly Christmas figure that delivers presents to children and Tiger Woods is a professional golfer.

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Who's gay and has buttsex? Dan.

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Friend: I hope you burn in hell -.- Me: I hope you step on a leggo in the dark Friend: *gasp* take that back

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot had a seizure.

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Why did the mormon walk into a bar? He didn't. Mormons don't drink.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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what happened to the autistic child that traveled to antarctica? he died.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What do you call a group of white guys playing basketball in Philadelphia? Actually, that already seems like a pretty good summary of the situation.

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A dentist, a librarian, a construction worker, a gynecologist, a zookeeper, a shoemaker, a terrorist, a politician, a cyclist, a truck driver, a kangaroo, a Mexican, a blonde, a Jewish black guy, a Honda Civic, a monkey, a penguin, an FBI agent, a stock broker, a president of a foreign country, a CEO of a very wealthy company regarding AIDS, a founder of one of top downloaded apps in the market, a chief executive, a cook, a waitress, a priest, a nun, a little boy, a fairy, a dinosaur, and a skeleton walks into a bar. There's no punchline.

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A minor walks into a bar. He's not very good at limbo.

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What happened to the alligator who waled into a bar? He was killed and skinned by swamp hunters in Louisiana.

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Women's Sports

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How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

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Why did the cookie go to the docter? Because he was dieing of terminal cancer.

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Why couldn't Simon run? Because he had Cerebral Palsy.

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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if a kayak was stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes stacked will it take to get to the moon? none because snakes dont have armpits

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What do you call six million jews? Dead.

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Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

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what did helen keller say when she dropped a box on her toe. nothing. helen keller cannot speak

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A catholic priest held a puppet show at a kindergarten. The children were a very polite audience and the event was considered a great success.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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