what's red and blue? your heart

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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Immediately following his inauguration, Bush called Obama into the oval office for a private meeting and some words of advice. Bush and Obama shook hands as gentlemen do and then Bush asked if Obama wanted to hear a joke. Obama eagerly said yes, "Good..." Bush said, handing Obama a battered copy of the United States Constitution, "...the joke is in your hands", and with that Bush turned and left.

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what do you do if you wake up at midnight and your tv is floating? -call the police because you caught a burgler in the act of stealing your tv

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Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

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why did the black man buy a gun? he was a hunter.

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Whats a dwarf running A running dwarf

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Want to hear a joke about my penis? Nevermind it's too long.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 raped and murdered 8.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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Why was the picture so dark? Because it was night time and there were no light fixtures located anywhere near where the photo was taken.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, What are you doing, I'm ithyphallophobic.

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what's worse than a hole in your sock? Getting raped!

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Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Life is an abstract object incapable of handing out gifts, thus if given a lemon by life you should go to a doctor to make sure you don't have an undiagnosed disease.

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Why do policemen wear belts? To hold up their pants.

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What abou three times

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what is white and black and red all over? a half eaten penguin

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What did the finger say to the thumb? Nothing, fingers can't talk.

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knock knock. Who's there? Jehovah's witness. *Door Locks*

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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Q:why do bananas where sunscreen? A:beacause they peel!!haha

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How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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