What did the left nut say to the right nut? Nothing

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a registered sex offender.

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What did the turkey call the chicken? Nothing, turkeys can't speak, idiot.

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Why does your mother not love you anymore? Because she was in a tragic car accident 5 years ago and is now deceased and is therefore incapable of love.

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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what did the cheese say to the wall? nothing cheese can't talk.

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how do you make a dog roll over you kill it

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What's funnier than poop? More poop

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Write Your Own It's easy to take part, just type your text below!

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You want to hear a joke? Adobe Flash Player.

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What do you call a orange striped zebra? No not a tiger stupid its a orange striped zebra duh!

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What's worst then the holocaust, titanit and 9-11 4 bee stings.

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guy 1: hey, i got a new dog. isn't he cute? guy 2: i just lit him on fire

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Geuss what? Bob is wide awake and he likes strawberries but he didn't have any strawberries so he ate a hamburger but fred wanted a hamburger but bob ate it so he just ate bob but bob was wide awake so he saw fred eating him so he called the pigs to come and eat fred because pigs eat anything but the pigs had already eaten their daily freds so they ate bob because they hadn't already eaten their daily bob but fred had already eaten bob so they got angry at fred so they just ate him anyway but then they got fat so a wolf ate them but then some hunters killed the wolf and ate it so they are actually eating a hamburger because the wolf ate the pigs and the pigs ate fred and fred ate bob and bobb ate a hambuger but he actually likes strawberries.

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? He doesn't keep it. His lifespan is too short to make significant compound intrest.

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What did the dog say to the dildo? Your rubber

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Knock Knock Who's there? I'm going to kill your family.

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Your mother is so fat, that the doctor said, "Go on a diet or you will get a Cardiac Infarction."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was being herded into a slaughter house to be killed, then packaged and shipped out to restaurant venders all across the country.

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What did the boy say to his dad when he realized he was gay? Dad, I'm gay.

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What's worse than finding twelve dead babies nailed to a tree? One living baby nailed to twelve trees.

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Q;what do you call a fish with two knees and personally HANDS out JOBS A: a blowfish

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What's worse than a midlife crisis? Having an affair with the dog.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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