Why did the baby cross the road? It doesn't matter. He was hit by a bus.

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Where is my tractor?

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How does a black guy call to another black guy in Africa? using a telephone

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Sorry boss

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Hey youknow what's funny???? Jokes

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I used to not like my beard, but then it grew on me.

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Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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Q: "What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?" A: Dr. Dre

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Two goldfish are sat in a tank, one says to the other 'I forgot who you are' to which the other replies 'I forgot what you said'.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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2 guys walk on the street and see a pile of crap. One says "That looks like crap." The other one stops and looks at it for a few seconds and says "You're right it is crap." They both avoided stepping on the pile of crap and continued on their walk.

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Q: is this the krusty krab? A: No this is patrick!

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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What did the cripple kid get for Christmas? Cancer. You know what he got the next the next Christmas? Nothing he died.

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What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

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Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

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whats worse than having your bike stolen? Getting raped

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There are two gingerbread men in an oven and the one says " it's hot in here" the other says "holy crap it's a talking cookie!!!!!!!!"

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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If you are a girl reading this! why did you stop making some food?

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What's funnier than the Holocaust? Most things, as the Holocaust was a terrible tragedy.

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A minor walks into a bar. He's not very good at limbo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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