How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Simple poke her face.

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A woman should not be in the kitchen.

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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A blond and a redhead are walking down the street the red head says look a dead bird the blond looks up

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Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? He doesn't keep it. His lifespan is too short to make significant compound intrest.

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What do people in Asia do for black history month? Nothing, black history month is an American thing.

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roses are red violets are blue i have alzheimers roses are red

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What did the left nut say to the right nut? Nothing

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why is liam baldy because his dad is too

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What do you call a orange striped zebra? No not a tiger stupid its a orange striped zebra duh!

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What's worse than finding twelve dead babies nailed to a tree? One living baby nailed to twelve trees.

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What's worse than standing in line at Walmart? Being raped. What's worse than paying an outrageous amount for whatever it is you bought at Walmart? Being pregnant with a rape baby.

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What did the doctor say to the Jew? You have cancer.

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What did the skeleton say to the man? Nothing.

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How do you kill a polar bear? You melt the polar ice caps and take a rope and choke it till it is out cold. You then put a plastic bag over its head and throw it in the water.

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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Two cows are in a field one cow says moo the other cow say shit thats what i was gonna say

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Your mom's so fat that she went in to get liposuction and subsequently died from infection.

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Q;what do you call a fish with two knees and personally HANDS out JOBS A: a blowfish

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, get in my bed so i can fu** you!

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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An amphibious mammal wearing clothes. Why would you ask me that.

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Abe Lincoln, George Washington, George Bush and Barack Obama are sitting at a table at a bar. They all realize that none of them know each other, wonder when in time they are, have mental breakdowns, and run screaming into the night.

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what do you call a cow with no legs? ground BEEF!!!!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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