A man walks into a bar. Now I have to kill you, because that's top secret information.

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What do you say to a very ambitious dyslexic child? You're ambition is inspiring and I encourage you to follow your dreams. Some of the worlds greatest people, including Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Winston Churchill were dyslexic. Your drive is much bigger than your disorder.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a whale sit down at a bar. The priest says to the bartender, "Jesus Christ is our savior." The rabbi responds, "No. Our savior has not yet been born." To which the whale adds, "MMMUUURRRAAAAAAOOOUUU!!!"

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Matty B

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On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, AIDS

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Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses only the finest ingedients.

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roses are red, violets are red, my garden is on fire

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your mama so dumb her iq point is below average

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a registered sex offender.

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What did the left nut say to the right nut? Nothing

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what did the cheese say to the wall? nothing cheese can't talk.

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What's funnier than poop? More poop

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How do you fit 45 Jews into a car? 5 in the car 40 in the ashtray.

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Why does your mother not love you anymore? Because she was in a tragic car accident 5 years ago and is now deceased and is therefore incapable of love.

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What did the turkey call the chicken? Nothing, turkeys can't speak, idiot.

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Why was Jimmy upset? Someone kept pouring liquid nitrogen on him.

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Geuss what? Bob is wide awake and he likes strawberries but he didn't have any strawberries so he ate a hamburger but fred wanted a hamburger but bob ate it so he just ate bob but bob was wide awake so he saw fred eating him so he called the pigs to come and eat fred because pigs eat anything but the pigs had already eaten their daily freds so they ate bob because they hadn't already eaten their daily bob but fred had already eaten bob so they got angry at fred so they just ate him anyway but then they got fat so a wolf ate them but then some hunters killed the wolf and ate it so they are actually eating a hamburger because the wolf ate the pigs and the pigs ate fred and fred ate bob and bobb ate a hambuger but he actually likes strawberries.

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What's worst then the holocaust, titanit and 9-11 4 bee stings.

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why is liam baldy because his dad is too

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What's worse than being killed? Reading these jokes.

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A Psychologist said that I am a pessimist... Figures.

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A blond and a redhead are walking down the street the red head says look a dead bird the blond looks up

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Knock Knock Who's there? I'm going to kill your family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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