Why do policemen wear belts? To hold up their pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

I used to not like my beard, but then it grew on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

A dentist, a librarian, a construction worker, a gynecologist, a zookeeper, a shoemaker, a terrorist, a politician, a cyclist, a truck driver, a kangaroo, a Mexican, a blonde, a Jewish black guy, a Honda Civic, a monkey, a penguin, an FBI agent, a stock broker, a president of a foreign country, a CEO of a very wealthy company regarding AIDS, a founder of one of top downloaded apps in the market, a chief executive, a cook, a waitress, a priest, a nun, a little boy, a fairy, a dinosaur, and a skeleton walks into a bar. There's no punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What sits in a corner and travels all the way around the world? A stoner on hallucinogens.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Women's Sports

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What happened to the alligator who waled into a bar? He was killed and skinned by swamp hunters in Louisiana.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What is worse than a baby nailed to a tree? The holocaust. What is worse than 20 babies nailed to a tree? A baby nailed to 20 trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the cookie go to the docter? Because he was dieing of terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

3 men walked into a bar... They sat down and had a beer.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call a lawyer who came from the ghetto? Someone who did quite well for themselves despite coming from a tough area.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

if a kayak was stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes stacked will it take to get to the moon? none because snakes dont have armpits

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

the cast of the jersey shore

thumb_up thumb_down +34

what did helen keller say when she dropped a box on her toe. nothing. helen keller cannot speak

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A catholic priest held a puppet show at a kindergarten. The children were a very polite audience and the event was considered a great success.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A man, trying to be polite, asks his irritating coworker, "Did you get a haircut?" His coworker responds, "No, I got them all cut!" The man groans and shakes his head.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Cows go moo.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's after 9/11? 9/12

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a Minute passes.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A seven year-old boy was jumping on a trampoline. He landed awkwardly and broke his ankle. This then became infected and caused him to be permenantly paralysed.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

An owl turns to the other owl. He has to, he can't move his eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops