Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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Two goldfish are sat in a tank, one says to the other 'I forgot who you are' to which the other replies 'I forgot what you said'.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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2 guys walk on the street and see a pile of crap. One says "That looks like crap." The other one stops and looks at it for a few seconds and says "You're right it is crap." They both avoided stepping on the pile of crap and continued on their walk.

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What happened to the alligator who waled into a bar? He was killed and skinned by swamp hunters in Louisiana.

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Q: is this the krusty krab? A: No this is patrick!

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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whats worse than having your bike stolen? Getting raped

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"Why did the chicken cross the-" "Gosh! Why can't we just live in a world where a chicken can simply cross the road without being questioned about it's motives?!?!" ~McKenna<3

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Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

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What did the cripple kid get for Christmas? Cancer. You know what he got the next the next Christmas? Nothing he died.

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A minor walks into a bar. He's not very good at limbo.

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What's funnier than the Holocaust? Most things, as the Holocaust was a terrible tragedy.

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Why did the mom go to jail? She committed infanticide. lol.

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Smart Blondes

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How do you spell Mississippi with out an i? You can't because removing an i from the word Mississippi would cause it to be spelled incorrectly.

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That moment where the screen shouts "HE MAN" And you look at the guy and go... Hmm did they say He-Man or She-Man? HE MAN!

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How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Does it matter?

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

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What's the diffrents beetween a carrot and a dead baby? One I like to eat in my soup, the other one s a carrot.

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Q: What's a Mexican's favorite sport? A: Cross Country

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A black man walks into a bar. A few minutes later a jewish man enters. Next door, a twelve year old girl is crying over the tragic death of her mother due to terminal cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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