Why didn't the family go through the door? Because it was a window.

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what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

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I spilled Spot Remover on my dog. Now he is blind and has chemical burns all over his body.

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Tic tac toe. You were adopted.

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"What do you call a man who has bumblebee wings and fire for blood?" (The doctor on the other line has no answer. Tom desperately weeps into the phone, trying to grasp his sudden transformation. He finds no reassurance, and hangs up the phone.)

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How big is Justin Bieber's penis? 10 inches, and its in his ass, and its actually Usher's penis

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What's yellow and can't Swim? A bulldozer

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Three Jews walk into a bar. One says something to the other two, but it was in Yiddish, and I don't speak that, so I don't know what he said, but all of them laughed really hard, so it must have been funny.

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Q: What's white, sticky, and is swallowed by most women? A: Ice Cream

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Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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Q: what's black, white and red all over A: a penguin in a blender

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Three peasants were brought in front of the King to be rewarded for their assistance during a drought. The King told them that they could each request one thing from him that he could provide. The first man asked to be rich, so the King ordered his guards to fetch a large sack that was filled to the brim with gems and gold pieces. The man thanked the King and left his palace joyfully. The second man asked for a larger house so the King gave him access to one of his many castles. He hurriedly left, eager to try out his new home for size. The third man asked for a cat so the King gave him a cat.

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a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar... they sit down, have a deep and meaningful conversation about theism, and don't really drink anything.

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What starts with ''F" ends in "uck" and usually means excitement? A Firetruck

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I can't hear music. I am a sentence.

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Why did the the chicken cross the road? Escape.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. Your family is dead.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them

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Roses are red, violets are red, daffodils are yellow, and pansies are pink.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, flotaing in the sea? Someone who will drown very soon.

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What is a panda bear? A bear with black and white fur.

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Why aren't anti jokes funny? Idk. Watermelon in your pants, you're adopted.

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GOOD AFTERNOON KIND SIR OR MADAM THIS IS THE KUNDALINI EXPRESS MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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