you will now laugh.

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What's a small person? A midget

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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A Jew picked up a penny. He thought his beard matched the guy on the coin.

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If you are a girl reading this! why did you stop making some food?

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you want to hear a joke? sure... too bad

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Why was the boy sad? Because he wasn't happy!

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool? A: A man with no arms or legs in a pool.

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Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

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What do you call a black hitch-hiker? Stranded

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An owl turns to the other owl. He has to, he can't move his eyes.

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I've got a shotgun with two bullets. I've got two enemies. What do I do with the gun? Go bird hunting.

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What is worse than a bus falling on you? A bus with Mama June inside it falling on you.

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A disabled man runs into a bar. He notices he's not disabled and realizes his mother lied to him his whole life.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, Run Quick, Before I eat you and die of obesity due to high blood pressure and bad heart disease!!!

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What's the best position to be in while being attacked by a bear? invisible

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there were 2 sausages in a frying pan. One sausage says it sure is hot in here. The other one says WTF a talking sausage!

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Why did Riley cross the road? A: I lied he started to then proceeded to get hit by a bus filled with children causing them all to be scarred for life.

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what do you call a man that just got brutally murdered? i don't know, check his birth certificate.

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Samantha ate 62 cookies. Then she ate 300 more. How many did she eat after that? None she didn't for the next 6 years after developing an eating disorder.

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http://anti-joke.com/

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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