Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's the diffrents beetween a carrot and a dead baby? One I like to eat in my soup, the other one s a carrot.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

That didn't hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

roses are red violets are blue i took your cup to the bathroom ...thats not really apple juice:)

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why do they censor everything on here? Because **** **** ******* *** ***** *****.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

How did the chicken cross the road? By foot.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing finding a worm in an apple is disgusting because worms are disgusting creature that shouldn't live in an apple

thumb_up thumb_down +29

George Bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A young Asian boy got a B on his test. He went home an showed his parents even though he was nervous of their reaction. They told him that a B was a good grade and put it on the fridge. After that he began to gradually flunk each class one by one because of his parent's inability to push him to be better. He is now homeless and an alcoholic.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a dyslexic child.? DAMN

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Rather rich and healthy, then poor and sick.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Abe Lincholn had a son :) But he died |:

thumb_up thumb_down +27

7

thumb_up thumb_down +27

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.” The Higgs Boson replied, “Well, without me, you can’t have mass.”

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did Justin Bieber say when he felt funny? Wheres my tampon

thumb_up thumb_down +27

A little boy started choking on a condom. His father came and was in a great panic. "Please don't leave me. I don't want to lose you!" he cried over and over again. Then his wife came in and said "it's alright darling, there's plenty more in the drawer". "Oh, thank God for that, I thought I lost it there!" dad replied.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was both deaf and blind and both senses are essential to a driver

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You are driving a bus. At the first stop, 12 people get on and 7 get off At the second stop, 13 people get on and 11 get off At the third stop, 7 people get off the bus. You turn the bus off get out and go home.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

why does'nt mexico have an olympic team? because they have a poor economy and have other things to worry about.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops