Yo mama is so fat that: it is ruining her self esteem and she worries about her health.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch."

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the cookie go to the docter? Because he was dieing of terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Women's Sports

thumb_up thumb_down +41

2 guys walk on the street and see a pile of crap. One says "That looks like crap." The other one stops and looks at it for a few seconds and says "You're right it is crap." They both avoided stepping on the pile of crap and continued on their walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call a lawyer who came from the ghetto? Someone who did quite well for themselves despite coming from a tough area.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

knock knock go away ok

thumb_up thumb_down +39

if a kayak was stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes stacked will it take to get to the moon? none because snakes dont have armpits

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Whats worse than the holocaust? Being a jew in the Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did the man throw his watch out the window? Because it was broken.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Q: What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke? A: Quack

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the black man say to the policeman? "Take it easy."

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I am blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Kid: Hey,can i have all the answers to this test please. Teacher: What the hell kid im the fricken teacher.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A man goes to a doctor to check about an itch on his testicles. Turns out it was just a rash and is promptly prescribed medication and it clears up in a week.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a Minute passes.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's yellow and can't Swim? A bulldozer

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops