What did the finger say to the thumb? Nothing, fingers can't talk.

knock knock go away ok

Why was the pencil case unzipped? Because it wasn't zipped up.

Why couldn't Simon run? Because he had Cerebral Palsy.

How do you stop a fire breathing dragon from breathing fire? Shove a hose down its throat.

What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

Why do reindeer pull Santa's Sleigh? Because Santa won't feed them if they don't.

Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

A: ask me if I'm a truck. B: why? A: just ask me. B: are you a truck? A: no.

if a kayak was stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes stacked will it take to get to the moon? none because snakes dont have armpits

What's worse than finding your dad's wedding ring while fingering your sister ? 3 bee stings.

What is the biggest lie in the universe? I love you.

Kid: Hey,can i have all the answers to this test please. Teacher: What the hell kid im the fricken teacher.

Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

Why did the bartender kick out the three jews at midnight? Because the bar closes at 11.

Cows go moo.

A man, trying to be polite, asks his irritating coworker, "Did you get a haircut?" His coworker responds, "No, I got them all cut!" The man groans and shakes his head.

If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

Gadaffi

Matt Damon

Miranda Lorenz is a WHORE!!! She has slept with three guys while in a relationship!! then when he broke up with her for cheating on him, she keyed his car!! Psycho Bitch!!!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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