Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because it is very unsafe for blind individuals to operate motor vehicles.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the orange drive the tractor? Because he always wanted to go to the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why cant Roger drive a tractor? Because Roger is a goldfish.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How did bob Marley quit doing Drugs?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

where do you get virgin wool from? ugly sheep.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Poop

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the chicken cross the road? -because chickens have a free ability to walk and this chicken felt the urge to walk across the road. Why not?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock, Knock Who's there? A robber who will most likely kill you along with anyone else who will ruin their chances of becoming more wealthy off your most prized possessions.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

This is you cat This is just cat This is wasted cat This is your cat This is time cat This is reading cat This is this cat Now read the third word of every sentance

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Period Blood

thumb_up thumb_down +15

That maternal figure of yours is of such inadequate intelligence that she cannot fathom that, given a scatterplot with a linear correlation of greater than -1 and lesser than 1 and a reasonably consistent rise over run, a future value along the y-axis can be predicted if following the y=a(x)+b equation.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Gestapo.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A:Nothing. They're tubes of glue. Inanimate objects, such as a tube of glue, however adhesive the contents of said object is, are not capable of advanced speech, let alone basic communication.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is the difference between an Irishman and a plank of wood? Almost everything, including anatomy, chemical make up, mass etc

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Doctor: Knock knock... Patient: Who's there? Doctor: Interrupting doctor... Patient: Interrupting doct-- Doctor: You have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

I saw a man with a hungry look in his eye, like the kind you get from not eating for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg? A: The egg, dinosaurs reproduced long before chickens existed.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did Suzie fall off the swing? she had no arms. knock knock? whos there not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A Jew sits down next to a muslim at the bar. They great and discuss their day's events, they both order beers. Then they go home.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Simple poke her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops