Matt Damon

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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I still remember the last words my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Hey. how far do you think I can kick this bucket."

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van!

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Why was the blonde crying? Because she just watched her infant get sucked into a jet engine and she was very sad.

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A man goes to a doctor to check about an itch on his testicles. Turns out it was just a rash and is promptly prescribed medication and it clears up in a week.

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RULES: #1) have fun #2) safety first

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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What's the best position to be in while being attacked by a bear? invisible

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A man goes to the doctor suspecting he might have erectile dysfunction. The doctor raises an eyebrow and asks, "Does it come up a lot?" "No."

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What do you call a group of Mexicans crossing the U.S. border? A travel soccer team.

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my mom raped yerr foot

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Romney 2012

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Miranda Lorenz is a WHORE!!! She has slept with three guys while in a relationship!! then when he broke up with her for cheating on him, she keyed his car!! Psycho Bitch!!!

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You are driving a bus. At the first stop, 12 people get on and 7 get off At the second stop, 13 people get on and 11 get off At the third stop, 7 people get off the bus. You turn the bus off get out and go home.

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What's 17 times worse than a 3? I don't know, personally I don't think 3's are so bad.

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A boat drowns in the middle of the water. Everyone dies except for an Asian guy. Why did he live? Because he could swim.

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A man has aids. He has plenty of sexual partners and they all contract the disease.

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Whats gay and smells like straight girls? An envelope.

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What's the difference between babies and butter? You can't pitchfork butter.

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whats the best way to burn calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

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why is black such a deprssing color because it symbolizes death

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what's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies? nothing, they're both overused anti jokes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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