The lemons on the tree are ripe. They will be picked.

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what do you get when you get when you cross a chicken and a mad scientists a mutant chicken

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Yo mama is so fat that: it is ruining her self esteem and she worries about her health.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch."

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Why do I know Vin Diesel is gay? Because I sucked his dick

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What do you call a lawyer who came from the ghetto? Someone who did quite well for themselves despite coming from a tough area.

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What did the squirrel say to the owl? Nothing, because owls and squirrels don't talk, but the owl ate the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

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What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face.

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What did the black man say to the policeman? "Take it easy."

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if a kayak was stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes stacked will it take to get to the moon? none because snakes dont have armpits

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Why did the man throw his watch out the window? Because it was broken.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool? A: A man with no arms or legs in a pool.

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what's funnier than 3 dead babies in a trashcan pretty much anything thats not funny

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Why grannies do not buy a menstrual pads? Cause they will never have their period anymore.

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How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Goofy sold Pluto into slavery in exchange for the power of human speech.

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Your social life

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What did they farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where is my tractor?

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

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What's yellow and can't Swim? A bulldozer

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A young Asian boy got a B on his test. He went home an showed his parents even though he was nervous of their reaction. They told him that a B was a good grade and put it on the fridge. After that he began to gradually flunk each class one by one because of his parent's inability to push him to be better. He is now homeless and an alcoholic.

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Every 60 seconds in Africa, a Minute passes.

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A man has aids. He has plenty of sexual partners and they all contract the disease.

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What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics? Not being retarded. - Blake Woodman

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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